But God.

Lord, I offer my life to You

2011-01-23T17:23:00.001+08:00

2 Chronicles 20:12
You're our God. Won't you judge them? We don't have the strength to face this large crowd that is attacking us. We don't know what to do, so we're looking to you.

What are we to do when faced with adversity. Do we not only have You, O Lord. Forgive me God, for times that I have been faithless. But Lord, You have never failed me. How You have led me through every wilderness. What are these to You? You are bigger than all these things. We are more than conquerors in the name of Jesus Christ.

Take all of me Lord. For I do not know what to do, but my eyes are on You. Come deliver.

old ways

2010-10-11T10:16:00.001+08:00

I am returning to my old way of gathering thoughts:

-diary writing.

ciao

Psalm 42

2010-10-04T12:44:00.000+08:00

1 As the deer pants for streams of water,

so my soul pants for you, O God.

2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.

When can I go and meet with God?

3 My tears have been my food

day and night,

while men say to me all day long,

"Where is your God?"

4 These things I remember

as I pour out my soul:

how I used to go with the multitude,

leading the procession to the house of God,

with shouts of joy and thanksgiving

among the festive throng.

5 Why are you downcast, O my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

for I will yet praise him,

my Savior and 6 my God.

My soul is downcast within me;

therefore I will remember you

from the land of the Jordan,

the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.

7 Deep calls to deep

in the roar of your waterfalls;

all your waves and breakers

have swept over me.

8 By day the LORD directs his love,

at night his song is with me—

a prayer to the God of my life.

9 I say to God my Rock,

"Why have you forgotten me?

Why must I go about mourning,

oppressed by the enemy?"

10 My bones suffer mortal agony

as my foes taunt me,

saying to me all day long,

"Where is your God?"

11 Why are you downcast, O my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

for I will yet praise him,

my Savior and my God.

The endurance race

2010-09-29T11:10:00.001+08:00

I've to keep this short so my phone's batt life can last me till night time. :) just completed my morning swim. Its the best time of the day to hit the pool 'cuz its finally not raining! Yea!

As i swam, i though about what i read last night for my bible reading time.

2 Tim 2

If an athlete runs in a race, he runs according to the rules so he will not be disqualified. There you should run in such a way that you might obtain the prize.

And i was thinking while i did my breastsrokes.

Many of us run in our own manner in God's race.

We do what we want. We take up jobs that WE want to do. We say things that WE want to say. We live life the way WE want to live.

How are we ever going to reach the end point and obtain the prize if we dont run in God's manner.

Just a thought:

Are you running by God's rules or by your own's?

Have you sought the Lord for direction?

Have you read what the bible says about a holy life? About pursuing righteousness faith hope love and peace?

On a rainy day

2010-09-24T16:36:00.000+08:00

You'd think of

Chicken Soup
Blankets
Hot chocolate
A fireplace
Snow
Soft Christmas music
Big fluffy cushions
Weddings
Horses
A nice book
Applemon muffins baking
Roast chicken
Love

I am in the NIE library now. I have been here since 12noon. And its such a joy to sit here because I finally get to work next to a large window. I love large windows. Did I ever tell you that? I love those walls that are actually windows. I would so want that in my house next time. And its raining outside. And I am just watching the rain from where I am sitting and its just so beautiful. Its like I'm christmasing.

Far away there's this huge green field with trees on it. And the clouds are all low lying. It makes me feel like running into the plain and riding a horse in the cold wind, laughing away. And then falling down unto the wet grass and landing with a dirty squish. Enjoying the wet grass beneath me.

I wanna run on the fields with no shoes and just be happy.

I love rainy days.

Random thoughts for the 16th of the month

2010-09-16T19:24:00.002+08:00

Its the weekend for me. No more classes tmr. But I've promised myself to be a good girl, and shall spend my day tmr completing my e-learning lectures. Apparently there's 5 assignments to complete online. BAH!

My birthday is in a month and ten days time.
When u're older you dont really see the need of celebrating your birthday. Remembering is sweeter :)
Not everyone who uses the public toilet has earphones on.
I should start considering bringing mini bottles of perfume out.
How old or needy is old and needy enough for me to give up my seat?
The best answer to point 5 is to pray and ask the Holy Spirit to convict your heart. (works all the time)
I should invest in mini christian bookmarks or tiny giveaways so that in the occasion of me preaching in the streets, they come in handy.
Am on my way to buy them now.
This year's grape season (August-October) isnt all that spectacular.
Grammar class, though technical, is surprisingly interesting and thought-provoking.
I can smell the grapes I just bought.
Going out without makeup makes me feel liberated. Like, "So what if I have scary looking eye rings? I live for Jesus!" Haha.
But people who know me know that it is still crazily important to me that one be sharp, presentable and good-looking at appropriate moments.
At the rate I'm staring at my phone, I wouldnt see anyone I can give up my seat for.
If life were a musical, I'd sing really cool jumpy songs and take every chance to grab a nearby pillar to do some stunt.
I should come up with some wishlist for my birthday.

There. 16 thoughts for the 16th. I'm getting off the train now to meet civilisation. Till then. I love you! Yay! Hahahahaha.

好勇敢

2010-09-15T12:52:00.000+08:00

"天天想你天天问自己,到什么时候才能告诉你"

My thoughts caught me during ICT class yesterday evening. Was wondering about the whole idea of marriage and proposing and setting a new family with another person.

Went home and watched the movie trailer for a chinese film Love Cuts, featuring Zoe Tay. Its abt this married woman and her family, the mundaness of the life they lead, the issues and problems she faces as a mother and a wife, and then finally, she discovers she has breast cancer. This new illness in her takes the family for a roller coaster ride of emotions.

I sound like I've completed watching the show. But here's what I think: Everything you need to know is in the trailer itself. Ha!

Okay. Back to my thoughts about marriage. It did get me. I wondered all possibilities of after wedding. Recently a new friend and I have been discussing about faithfulness in marriage. So we were just wondering how scary a thought it is that this other person you just gave your entire life to, living together and sleeping together, making plans together, has this some other person who is sharing another life with. Its just gross.

Or what if your spouse falls indefinitely sick. Or he/she dies. You cant just change another spouse halfway through.

This is the thing. Marriage is committment. They gel together. Through sickness and health, for life and death. Through it all. This other person is no longer another person, but one with you. Not two halves to make a whole, but two wholes becoming one. Everything about that person is exchanged with you.

To illustrate the importance of this, I will quote a friend.

Me: How important will your wife be to you?
Him: Let me just put it this way, "If both your wife and your mother were to be drowning, and you could only save one, who would you save?"
Me: So who would you save?
Him: I'm sorry, but I would save my wife. Because my wife and I are one. If she dies, I become incomplete.

WAH. There you go. Committment.

But God is so good. He is our Bridegroom, and the church is His bride. We exhange all of ourselves with all of Him. He is ever faithful, even when we are faithless, even when we do things that grieve Him, He never leaves us. Sun, moon and stars will die away, but God always remains.

It is just so comforting to know that you have a Bridegroom who is never-changing, the same yesterday today and forever more. One that endures through eternity.

So so comforting.

As His bride, I wonder if we are being a good bride. Are we true and faithful to Him. Or are the times we give ourselves to sin countless? Repent and turn from our ways. For God, the Husband, is faithful and just to forgive us of our unrighteousness.

I love my Husband.

The horrible student

2010-09-14T14:03:00.000+08:00

Its been feeling odd going back to school, having lessons and all. And its the second week o school, but i'm still late for classes despite the fact that i have no morning classes. I should get a grip o my life. Hahaha

Lord i ask for your power to help me wake up, as much as possible. BTW, the new phone's batt life is super short. I have resorted to bringing my charger to school. First time ever in my life.

But God is so good. Under corporate rate i pay 63% of the price plan ever month. Tt's more than 10 bucks rebate! Isnt God's providence awesome :)

I'm blogging with my mobile phone.

2010-09-13T22:22:00.000+08:00

How cool is that :)

The week of Newness

2010-09-13T15:06:00.000+08:00

Hi.

I have now a new phone: HTC Desire.

Which I will start using tomorrow once I've downloaded certain apps and set up my passwords and stuff. And I will need to sync all my numbers and put some decent pictures and music in there before I start using it.

I have now a new laptop: HP Elite.

It belongs to NIE. But then again, for the next year, I have two laptops. So spoilt for choice! Hahaha.

Thats about it. It makes me a really excited person. BTW, my brother is getting married. I hope I get to play dress-up. I have so many dresses I need to wear them. hahahaha.

Why I love swimming

2010-09-13T15:03:00.000+08:00

I haven't really mentioned why I love swimming. Have I?

The one thing that I really like about swimming is the fact that I get to see really nice shapes when I'm in the water. You know when you're swimming in the afternoon or early morning, the sun rays hit down on the water and it creates some sort of shapes on the pool's floor.

At around 11am or 5pm, the shapes on the floor of the pool look like the ones in my chemistry textbooks when I was just a secondary school student.

They look like lattice structures.

I hope I'm not boring you but (really, this is my blog. I can write anything I want. Ha!) the shapes look like moving molecules and it would seem like I'm swimming in this sea of particles. It just seemed so magical watching them move under you.

Really pretty cool.

One more thing

2010-09-07T13:16:00.001+08:00

before I leave for school.

God is good. He is always good and His faithfulness endures forever. His love endures forever. I have hope in Jesus Christ.

Yay.

The Student

2010-09-07T13:15:00.000+08:00

I just started school yesterday. Officially. Though my time table is pretty much still quite empty, I am feeling the full force creeping in very very slowly.

I walked into the very familiar setting yesterday morning, and made a right turn to a whole new diffeent school compound. And I realised that this time, I'm coming to this part of the school all alone. Where are my girlfriends! :(

Had an enjoyable bit of getting lost, and also a tad frustrated when finding a toilet that functions. Went through the whole motion of printing notes, buying books and materials.

And finally, the first lesson of Education Psychology. It was pretty fun.

I know I sound boring. I am bored typing this out. There are a couple of things more exciting in my life right now than school. So I really don't feel that eggcited about school at all.

Felily

Gilmore Girls

2010-08-25T13:14:00.001+08:00

I love Gilmore's humor. hahaha. Rory's the daughter in college, first year first term so a newbie at things. And Lor is her mother. Still very young because she gave birth to Rory at 16.

Lor and Rory are discussing about this boy in class who asked Rory out for dinner at a restaurant, but Rory rejected.

Lor: So why? Do you not like him?
Rory: He carries a bottle of water with him everywhere he goes.That's just too weird.
Lor: Wow. Hydration. Creepy.

Hahaha! It reminds me of class today. My students think I have an ever-changing face and can be really sarcastic sometimes. They have successfully imitated my 'No dear. I'm joking.' (Gives a weak smile and walks away while rolling eyes.) Hahahaha. Oh dear, I am going to miss them. And Eric the Vietnamese is pestering me to add me on FB. I have officially set up 3 bodyguards to watch him so he doesn't come near to me when I am in class. hahahaha.

I'm joking.

The artists in my cell group

2010-08-25T11:14:00.000+08:00

What we do after dinner on Saturday. :) Its such joy to see them draw and get so excited.

Last Week in School

2010-08-24T22:38:00.000+08:00

I am left with 3 days of school.

I just walked past my colleague's desk this afternoon and he said, 'Last week huh.'

And I said, "Yes."

And I said again, "Feels a little sad."

I think I have a couple of thoughts running through my mind. How ironic. I am thinking about the thoughts running through my mind. Hahaha.

Recently I have been thinking a lot about life and death, marriages, and random lyrics.

And it just feels a little hmmm. I don't know.

But I am just glad that God is the Author and the Finisher.

Because of all that thinking, I think I have become a little strange the last two days of school.

My students were wondering why I was unusually sarcastic. Hahaha.

I think they enjoy it. They laugh at everything I say. I think they don't remember its the last time I'm seeing them.

Nonetheless, it's such joy to be with them.

Thinking back, my naughtiest class has become a class of angels to me. God has indeed allowed me to see my fruit of labour in the last 2 months.

My thoughts are many, but I shall leave them to a better day. :)

God is always good. If we do not grow weary in doing good, we will reap in due season. Surely.

Drama Class

2010-08-20T09:42:00.000+08:00

My Secondary 2 class is doing this drama piece out of Romeo and Juliet. Brings back such memories. I did the exact same thing when I was in Secondary 3, in Flintsone style. We spent $100 renting clothes.

So each team (5 peeps in a group) takes one scene out of the play. And I'm in-charge of the first 3 teams. So today while we were competing with the rain outside the class, the teams managed to read their scripts out loud, in character, to one another in the group for starters.

As I walked around, I caught a conversation between this Chinese girl (Chinese National) and a Singaporean Chinese boy. She's 16 this year, so she does look at the other students in the class as little kids. Its pretty obvious when she talks to them like this. (Imagine the accent)

A: 我有四句。你只有两句哑，同学。你去死吧。

And the boy whom she just scolded went back to sit down. And the teacher (that's me!) who heard it all laughed like crazy. Couldn't control it. The look on her face was like 'You are just a tiny little thing, don't even talk to me.' It was really funny. But I know she meant no harm.

What a way to start the morning! :)

Life points

2010-08-20T09:27:00.003+08:00

Yesterday I went swimming at my favourite pool, in fact its the only one I go to now -Mountbatten Swimming Complex, and the silly me forgot to put cash in my wallet. I had about 20c.

So I got dressed and went to the pool ever excitedly. And when I was standing at the entrance, I realised that my trusted swimming membership card had only 50c left in it. It takes a member 80c to enter the pool. So this is the situation no one would ever want to find themselves in. TEN CENTS SHORT.

I was in the worst nightmare.

Because firstly, when you are in a swimsuit, its not that cool you know. You sweat. And I was itching to swim! Plus I don't know where's the nearest ATM. So I asked the lady at the pool and she said there are two atms at the petrol kiosks opposite.

I crossed the bridge in the crazy heat that I was in. And when I arrived at the first petrol kiosk, it was a DBS atm. So too bad, I walked to the next petrol kiosk that was right next to it and then I found the POSB atm.

I was like, WHATS THE POINT MAN! Why do you have similar atms next to each other?! Whats the point!

And guess what, I walked from the Mountbatten pool all the way to Old Airport Hawker (took me 30 mins) to get to a UOB atm machine. This is how far they keep their machines apart. The next nearest UOB machine is at Parkway. WHAT?! I was so itching to swim that after I withdrew money, I had no heart to walk all the way back. So I cabbed.

$3.00 when I went into the cab, $3.00 when I stepped out of the cab. That's how short the distance was.

So I gathered some life points out of this situation.

When you are denied entry to the swimming pool:

You should have a DBS savings/current account.
You should start making friends with the people who work at the pool.
You should have enough guts to ask any stranger for 10c.
You should always leave your house with cash.

Which is the best option? Hmmm.. Let's see...

Option 1!

I am clearly sore about how far I need to walk to get to the UOB atm and how strange an idea it is to place a DBS atm and a POSB atm right next to each other at a place that does not have any other atm machines. BAH!

Amy the Pervert

2010-08-19T09:16:00.001+08:00

The parrot is kept in my bathroom. She has been there since I-don't-know-when. And all she does is watch people bathe. I really don't like her very much and have on many occassions tried to set her free. However, the rest of my family (except my dad who loves her the most) are doing odd stuff to the bird to see if it survives tomorrow. I, however, am the most kind of the lot. I just flip open the cage door and try to get her to hop out. But you know pet birds, after a while, they can't fly.

The point of me writing this, is to say that Amy is a pervert. Seriously. She has seen us all naked and its just gross to have an animal watch you bathe. Can you imagine? She makes a lot of cackling when people are bathing, I have no idea why. But most times when I'm the one bathing, she would just hop to the corner of the cage, pause there and stare.

This morning when I was bathing, I was wondering why I felt this really odd presence just above my head. I looked up and I saw that bird with her small beady scary looking black eyes staring right at me. It was piercing man. No kidding. And I looked back at her and said,

'What you looking at huh, pervert.'

And she just continues. Until I snapped my fingers in front of her face, did she walk away. So she climbed onto her wooden 'branch' and starts cooing away. My family thinks she loves me.

I think she's just a closet pervert. I really don't like her. :( And I don't like being watched when I'm showering.

I have eye bags the size of Africa

2010-08-18T08:26:00.007+08:00

I am a woman sitting on the wooden porch. I stretch out in front of me, while I sit on my long, comfortable cushioned chair. As I sip my iced cold tea, a soft breeze comes towards me. The pages of the book I'm reading flip slightly. I move my fingers to gently press them down.

The sun is hiding behind the clouds and the weather is just fine for a beautiful curl up on my porch. In front of me, a vastness of blue covers the span of my sight. The sand is white and looks almost like cloth to step on. I imagine myself running towards the blue ocean and as I reach it, I would spread out my arms and dive in for that wonderful feel of the cool blue waters. But no, I sit today, just observing.

I close my eyes and took in a deep breath. Salt water. The sound of the waves beating the shore reaches my ears. Rush. Rush. I slip deeper down into my chair. From behind, I hear footsteps. Slow and sturdy footsteps. I smile to myself.

A strong hand gently rubs my shoulder....

(to be continued...) (if I'm in the mood.)

----------------------

I am sorry. I know this has nothing to do with 'I have eye bags the size of Africa' but trust me, I am getting there soon. In fact, now. I am beyond sleepy. I have had my 6 hours of sleep every night since Sunday, and I am eternally grateful to God for giving me good rest. But I think I might need to sleep earlier. Like maybe 1130pm. Then I'll get 7hours of sleep. One extra hour sounds really enticing.

And yes, my eye bags are the size of Africa. I might be experiencing water retention. Or maybe its all that motion in me.

I am eating the guilin gao (Atas name for 'Grass Jelly') that Justin bought. I feel like soaking it in a tub of honey. Hahahaha. And I think its time I invest in some packeted Anlene. You know, the concentrated type, so I get my dosage of calcium. Strong bones for healthy living everybody!

That's about it. I have a stack of papers to mark. Recently, I've been moving absolutely slowly. I have no idea why. And I have become inefficient. Though remedial, I have to say, has become enormously helpful.

God is indeed good. Praying before lessons start always works, especially at my heart. I need to look at my students with compassion. Even though I think most of them smell funny. Okay, I mean they smell bad. I am convinced its the uniform and the scary humidity in the air.

Ok. I should get back to marking.

Comments from the student body

2010-08-17T10:13:00.003+08:00

I'm done with all my classes for the day. Now I need to figure out a way to tell my side of the class that they need to hand in the comprehension they were doing in their first period. Hmmm.

Today for first period English lesson, I told my class of 27 about my forensic science classes back in Uni. And then after that I posted them the psychotic-mind riddles, and they said I was freaky. Well. As expected.

And then you know you need a new swimsuit when your student says this to you:

Student: Ms Ng, do you swim alot?
Me: Yes, why? Can see my tan-lines right?
Student: Ya.

Hahaha.

Me: Ok class, be nice to me. You won't be seeing me after 4 more lessons.
Some people: But why!
Me: Because I'm leaving.
Most people: Why!
Me: Oh. Don't you know? I'm off to get married!
Some people: Huh! So fast! Why never invite us!
Me: (mumbles to myself)
Some people: Then when you coming back?
Me: I'm never coming back. I'm escaping from this treacherous place.
Some people: She's lying.
Me: (discontinues conversation)

What a lovely class. Hahaha. This boy came up to me and said: 'Ms Ng, can I have your Facebook?"

Me: I can't give you my Facebook. I still want it.
Student: (sighs) I meant can I have your facebook account?
Me: Oh. No. Hahaha. I'll give it to you after I leave.

I wonder how he's going to get it after I leave. Hahahahhaahaha. Okay, time for some recess before I scoooot off to tell 3/3 that they need to submit their comprehension.

Oh YAYNESS!

2010-08-16T12:18:00.000+08:00

I bought a pair of white pants and a white structured skirt from G2000 for only $52! Say hello to the UOB Cardmember.

And welcome the new template change. Now with dates! hahahaha.

Okay, I need to save money and stop blogging. I am going to have a remedial class with Huang Shuai later at 230pm. I have yet to check if he escaped school today. Then I would need to have a quick bite before 1.15pm's relief class.

PS: God has changed my taste buds to suit the food in the canteen. They don't taste that bad now. Maybe He convicted the hearts of the vendors. Or both. My God is able.

And by His stripes

2010-08-16T11:50:00.000+08:00

I am healed. :)

God is ALWAYS good,

2010-08-16T11:41:00.002+08:00

despite circumstances.

I have been down the past week with crazy flu, cough and sore throat. And to top it off, I had mild case of insomnia. It was madness. I slept an hour on Saturday night despite sleeping 5hrs the night before. The numbers just kept going smaller. And on Sunday morning, I could not go back to sleep after waking up at 715am. And at 11pm, I was still wide awake. VERY SCARY.

Dear God,

Praise You Lord. You are indeed good. Though I intended to skip service on Sunday morning because of the crazy hour of sleep I had, You gently pushed me to get going, even if I was going to be crazily late. And on my ride to church, You'd sent a very special messenger to encourage me with his words. You'd placed both of us there for a very special purpose, so that we may encourage each other, and in turn glorify You. Lord, we have been edified through that conversation, and You have been exalted. It was a beautiful ride to church.

And Lord You'd sustained me all the way through the day, as I did my work. Lord You'd helped me to keep walking though there were moments I thought I was going crash to the floor. You are truly my pillar of physical support.

Even in the night, as I worry if I could get to sleep, disturbed by my previous case of insomnia, Lord You'd calmed me. You'd send me an angel to put me to sleep, very successfully. Lord that I may get enough rest for a wonderful morning today at school. You are indeed good to me. Even in my smallest despair, You'd taken care of it.

You are truly God. Amazing wonderful God. You are my Saviour. You never leave me nor forsake me. And as I pass through troubled waters, Lord You are my Bridge. Thank You God.

Love,
Your daughter.

China boy

2010-08-13T23:08:00.005+08:00

Oh ya, I forgot why I wanted to blog.

I was shopping with Evan when I got this message from my teacher mentor.

SC: Hi Felicia! From the president of your fanclub: Can you help me ask Ms Ng is she really want have the saint valentine's day with me?. i meant that she do not have an appointment with her boyfriend , still help me tuition the coming monday? actually i do not care la, but if influence of her appointment i will have a guilty conscience :) By HUANG SHUAI.

In exact wordings and space.

Hahaha. I looked at Evan and we both burst into laughter because we didn't understand it at all. So I replied to her.

F: Oh dear this is quite funny. Haha. Cuz I don understand what he's saying. Haha! But if he means if I'm having remedial with him on monday, then I am. Haha. So funny!

And she replies him on my behalf.

SC: Hi Huang Shuai. Isn't V Day over??? I'm sure every day is V Day for Ms Ng and her boyfriend. Let me ask her anyway. (haha :) not farnee when he starts stalking u!!!! U shd do a speech on ur bf! Make him si xin!!)

And I reply,

F: Haha. He's imagining. I dont have a bf. But yes I shall do some personal slide show on mon with him to clamp down unwanted thoughts. Ha!

SC: Hahaha then he's trying to get me to find out if he's got a chance!!! ... Sly lor. Anyway yes you should do a slideshow on all ur suitors (put like Andy Lau and Aaron Kwok's photos!!)

And then she sends me what he sent her:

SC: (Qi Si Wo Le. This boy is so horrible!) --- "! ! ! ya ya you are right. Every day is v day. Okay I will go should i buy some chocolate for her? :)" ... (I taught him for 8 months and YOU get chocolates?!?! ... :(:(:( )

I replied that I'd share the chocs with her if it ever comes. And to end off, she says, ' ya rub it in. ' Hahahahaha.

It was really pretty funny. But I think I should be scared or something right? Should I? hahaha. That boy's 17 years old. Ha!

Okay

2010-08-13T23:02:00.002+08:00

In a year, I am possibly very sick once. Sometimes twice. I think this is the once that I am going through.

My nose is never cleared. My stomach is seldom pain-free, and my head is always bobbing up and down despite the amount of sleep I get.

I feel like vomiting right this moment as I am typing.

Okay. I am going to sleep. I really shouldn't swim tomorrow.

P.S

2010-08-13T12:38:00.002+08:00

My head is spinning and I feel drowsy. Still. I am going to book a cab home now.

I am so glad I'm single

2010-08-13T12:26:00.002+08:00

Today I re-thought of all my plans for the future. And though God is still keeping mum about certain things in my life, and what I need to do now is to live each day as according to His plan, I am just glad that there's no one other person I need to account to.

I feel so carefree.

And today I was just having a chat with a colleague about my plans of going back to China, as something that has been stuck in my heart since I returned from Xi'an about 8 months ago. Though I am still unsure about the exact thing I need to do, which I am sure God will reveal at an appointed time, there are still some thoughts of something more after the teaching bond.

Him: 'Are you attached?'
Me: 'No, why? I looked like it? Hahaha'
Him: 'No. I was just wondering about the way you mentioned your plans, you seemed very carefree. Like you dared to dream. So I assumed you're possibly still single.'
Me: 'I am single. Glad I'm single.'
Him: 'Wah then you must find someone who shares a similar vision la.'
Me: 'I'm not thinking about that right now. I'm single today and I will do my job as a single person today. Tomorrow God might show me a different step. Till then, I will just do what I need to do today.'
Him: 'Thats true. Live for the day. You are very blessed. God plants ideas in your mind.'
Me: 'I know man. I find it so gracious of Him to tell me what He wants to do with my life.'

There's the half hour conversation in the staff lounge over newspapers and a cup of water. Started all with question from me:

'So do you see yourself in this for long?'

There. God leads His people into conversations. I am reminded once again to keep watch. And to stay true to the first love. :)

Don't ever think I'd wait for you

2010-08-13T09:27:00.004+08:00

... 'cause I wont.

This morning as I was in the shower, I had a moment with God. I had what I would term as an epiphany of time:

Time waits for no man. It definitely doesn't wait for you.

When you're just too busy to do something, because you don't have the time to, you cannot expect it to wait for you to return. It was like being away on a holiday. Life still goes on at where you come from.

People move on. People have lives. Just because you don't have time or you're not free, doesn't mean I'm going to sit here and wait for you till you're free enough.

People move on. Life goes on.

It doesn't wait for you to get better.
It doesn't wait for you to get less busy.
It doesn't wait for you to realise that you've been neglecting somebody important.
It doesn't wait for you to wake up.
It doesn't wait for you to finish your food.
It doesn't wait for you to knock off work.
It doesn't wait for you to ask someone out.
It doesn't wait for you to reply a text message or return a call.
It doesn't wait for you to finish your homework.
It definitely doesn't wait for you to fix your life together again.

Time goes on. Despite the fact that there are still

Things to sort out.
People to get upset with.
People to love.
Sleep to catch up on.
Presentations to complete.
Messages to reply.
Doctors to see.
People to meet with.
Parents to talk to.
Students who need desperate help.

And yet there are so many of us out there wasting our time. Or rather, expecting things to be left exactly how it was like the last moment you dealt with it. I'm just sorry. It has moved on. You've missed the moment.

One day, your mom is going to be there. The next day she might not.

And in likeness, one day, your best friend remains your best friend. And the next day he/she is not.

One day, your husband's your husband. The next day he's not.

One day, you're alive, and the next day you're not.

Back to the showering.
I just realised how quickly time has passed since I had been sick. Since Monday, everything that has happened seemed like a dream. Events passed with a click of an eye. And I've got no clue on just what really happened. Its been pretty much a nightmare.

And as I realised, my students are still presenting their papers, whether or not I'm in class. My friends are still making merry, whether or not I'm with them.

It really didn't matter if I was sick, or dead even.

What I really was wondering, was exactly what I was going to do about every minute of my life. How am I really living today, or now, right now this moment, so that I am maximising every possible second of the day?

Have we wasted time waiting for things to be done, instead of really doing them?
Are we waiting for people to be freed from the shackles of their work before we really asked them out?
Why must we wait for 5 more minutes to pray, when you really can just pray now?
You sure you want to wait till tomorrow to show somebody that you love him/her?

How are you really using your time?

My eyes are the size of a pinball.

2010-08-11T07:34:00.004+08:00

I slept at 545am. Can you believe it? How I managed to climb out of bed today feeling as if I'd slept 10hours is a miracle.

But the dread of the lack of sleep is getting its toll on me, right now. After morning assembly, I walked into the staff room in a state of comma. Things start blurring and I start to lean on walls for support. Bad sign.

I had a relief class at 845am. It was out of control. But I really didnt care because I was really too tired and slow to do anything. So I actually pleaded with them.

Me: Class, I had an hour sleep last night. Please be kind to me by reducing your voice volume so I wouldn't get a headache. Can you guys do that?
Class: Yes Cher.

Though I wasn't my usual *clamp down the students* mode, this was pretty enjoyable. Letting them do whatever they wished, as long as they are not louder than me. They were Secondary 1s. Maybe thats why.

By the way, I am really very sleepy. And my throat is killing me. I am going to scoot home at 115pm sharp for a nap before heading out to swim and eat Korean food.

Tomorrow will be a more awake day.

I should have taped myself so I could laugh at how I actually look like fumbling over myself and with my eyes half opened. HA.

Did I mention

2010-08-10T21:53:00.002+08:00

its 3 more weeks to the end of ESE (Enhanced School Experience). And 5 more weeks to the start of a brand new phase of life (NIE).

Am I nervous? I dont think so. But I do hope there's time to learn driving. =D

I have been eating bad-tasting food for the last 3 weeks. It's depressing. I was just telling Joyce and August today over lunch (and over pudding *With real vomit flavour) that it is depressing to be faced with bad tasting food when you are really hungry. School has no good food. Seriously. I haven't been to a canteen with such bad food in my entire life. I miss TK.

People who spend enough time with me know how badly I function with the lack of sleep, or the lack of food. You place this two together you'll get the end of the world for Felily.

I completely don't make sense, become overly random, speak too slowly, look around with shifty eyes, and sometimes just shut up.

I need to get my life back man. I need food. Tomorrow's dinner better be good.

Thats all. At least now I know I have coke to lean back on.

Break -fast

2010-08-10T21:45:00.002+08:00

Coke fast ended at the stroke of midnight, on the 10th of Aug. Praise the Lord.

I was just telling Justin and Sam on Monday that the reason why I'm falling sick is because I haven't been drinking coke for a month.

This morning I woke up with a ginormous sore throat, clogged up nose and this headache that refuses to go away. I was so afraid I had to take an MC for tomorrow. BAH.

I skipped BSF 'cause I thought it be better I slept and recover before school starts. So i slept from 3pm to 730pm.

Had my dinner and then opened my fridge. Oh, the glorious red can was staring at me.

Coke: Pick me! Pick me!

Felily: I'm so sorry for neglecting you for 40days.

Coke: Now's the time! Celebrate!

Felily: You bet!

WHEEEEEEEE...... I'm on my second can of coke now. Its been 2 hours since I took the first one. And I feel better already. The headache's gone and the throat doesn't hurt that much. So I guess, God has given men the creativity to create something this fantastical for the enjoyment of mankind.

I am beginning to think that Coke should pay me.

He created the heavens

2010-08-05T08:37:00.003+08:00

The morning walk to school is always rushed. I normally leave my house too late to be able to stroll. I should start considering leaving my place at 650am instead of 7am.

Anyhow, I've gotten use to the early rises and early nights. However, some mornings I wake up in horribleness. Swollen eyes and all, and just dont want to go to school. Some mornings. Hahaha. But God is good. He makes it clear to me that, if I am found unfaithful, He is still ever-faithful.

My walk to school in the morning is always filled with God. All I do is look up. (And I always do.) I remember once (about a month ago) I was at the traffic light near my house and I was feeling the lousiest ever. But when I looked up, the sky was a mix of awesome orange and blue. Streaks of orange sweeping across the sky. And just right above me, were two streaks interceding to form a cross.

And immediately, I felt the Spirit of God touch me in my heart, saying, 'Look. I created them. And I also gave my Son to die for you. You mean alot to me. Don't worry, I will watch over you today as I have watched over you since the day you were Mine, and I will watch over you everyday from now onwards.'

I was so comforted. So so comforted to know that God is faithful. He never sleeps and He never slumbers.

Every morning now, as I walk to school, I always look up and I see the clouds, the moon, the blue-ness of everything, smiling back at me; and I am reminded constantly, everyday, what a faithful God have I.

-And the least I can do, is to stay as faithful as can be to my great God.

When you think your face needs a break....

2010-08-04T10:20:00.002+08:00

.....you take drastic measures.

Like leave your house with zero make up on. I would never have dared to do it because of the horrigible eye bags and eye rings that I am plagued with. I fear I scare people away.
Like appear in church, of all places, without make up. No way man.
Like appear in school with no eye concealer. I am looking in the mirror right now and I look like I got punched, even with my spectacles on.

But I do them all now. Because my face needs a break. And consistent bed-time has been reducing my eye rings. From solid black to grey. I hope it goes from grey to beige, eventually.

So what does the student teacher do after school

2010-08-04T07:59:00.003+08:00

I met Pong last night in a state of absolute hunger. I almost died from being hungry. It was pretty scary; like a little child holding her pee, I was trying to stop myself from marching right up to anyone carrying food, and snatching it away from his/her hands. BAH.

Pong and I had a deal to eat at Lerk Thai (the one at Pomo), though mid day through I was seriously craving for KFC.
We went there and spent 43 bucks on thai food that I thought would taste one million times better than what I ate last night.
It was a disappointment.
When they served the Som Tum (Papaya Salad), I saw a really long strand of hair just lying there harmlessly under that pile of papaya strips. OH NO YOU ARE NOT GOING INTO MY TUMMY. *Exclusive space only for food*
So we changed a plate. I was thinking if I spotted a bug in the food, I will demand for a free meal. (Suddenly thought of Yanjing [Friend from Shanghai] when I thought of that.)

Anyhow, the green curry wasn't salty and spicy enough, the tom yum wasn't spicy enough, the fish was too hard, the kangkong was not fresh, the rice was very cold. BUT I was too hungry to care. And I wasn't very satisfied man. Seriously. :(
I don't like bad-tasting food!

The only thing that was nice was the lemongrass drink I ordered. Refreshing and really unique burst of citrus that lingers in your mouth. Sweet.

I think we were (or rather I was) too tired to do much. Went back to PS to shop at Carrefour so I could buy some chocolates for my students when they are birthday-ing. AND GUESS WHAT I SAW?

Apple & Cinnamon Tea by Lipton. Thats the end of me man I tell you. Into the basket it goes. HAHAHAHA.
A whole table of grapes. Its August allbodies! August is the month of the glorious black grapes! YAY! But I shall wait till mid month to feast on the really sweet ones. Now they are just starting to become cheaper, but not sweeter and firmer yet.
Cinnamon rolls. From the bread corner. HAHAHAA. I bought it without hesitating. And I am feasting on it right now at my desk. It tastes awesome!
Anlene. I almost almost bought it until Pong pointed out that it was chocolate flavour. Saved my life.

So just 3 items (Tea, Bread and Chocolates) from Carrefour costs me $12.50. Hahaha. We went to Starbucks after Bao Luo Wan Xiang (at B2 of PS) completely disappointed Pong with the lack of black sesame dessert. And so we stoned at Starbucks discussing how the current generation of teenagers have lost some wires in their brains. She shared a couple of horror stories about her cousins. It was truly ridiculous.

But I thank God that the new generation of mothers are reverting back to the old generation of parenting. (Job quiting and all to nurse the little child and watch him grow up to be an upright, innocent, well-mannered, un-disgusting, godly, righteous and blameless man.)

That's about all. We went home to continue our lives. I managed to crash by 1210am last night. I was telling her how amazed I am at my sleeping skills. I am now able to lie on my bed, spread the quilt over me, close my eyes, and within less than 60seconds, I am in lala land.

It seriously proves how much my brain has exercised. Praise the Lord. He has given me rest.

Right this moment I am going to try my applemon (apple cinnamon) tea. TTYL!

Oh like finally.

2010-08-03T10:32:00.002+08:00

Blogger was kinda banned from my school's internet since Thursday. So all my thoughts since Thursday have been erased. Either that, or changed. So it doesnt matter. I will write when I have to clear my thoughts.

For now, I am just laughing over this comment after I said I ate porridge for dinner.

A: What did you have for dinner?
B: Porridge.
A: Porridge? :( You're going to become a bone! :(
B: *Laughs out loud in from of 10 other people in bible class*

A bone. I am going to become a bone. Hahahahahahah.

Okay. School's been nice and God's always good so.. Yay! Praise the Lord. Plus, I have graduated! Wheeeeee~

BTW... ...

2010-07-27T13:30:00.003+08:00

I havent had a Mcdonald's nugget since Friday. Its been 4 days. And I haven't had coke for 2 weeks. TWO WEEKS.

Justin, look what I have accomplished. Hahhaa. 2 weeks coke-free...

And I will promise not to abuse it the moment I am released from my coke fast. (9 Aug) Hhahaha. Promise.

Happenings of the morning blues

2010-07-27T13:15:00.002+08:00

Its Tuesday today. Not really bluish but something really exceptional happened this morning.

-I woke up at 7am.

Its the first time I woke up late since the start of my teaching career (of 5 weeks). O.O Horrors. I rushed out of the house and flagged down a cab that so graciously appeared in front of me the moment I stood at the pavement.

As I drove off, I looked out of the window and I saw this upper secondary school boy. He caught my eye and he pointed his middle finger at me. Shot right out into the air. Just like that.

I was wondering why he would do something like that. And as I sat there, I prayed and asked God to calm me down (you see, I havent had a middle finger pointed at me since I was 18, thats 5 years ago! So I was honestly quite hurt and shaken). And then I realised why. He could have too, been late for school, and I got a cab before he did and he was just upset about it.

And I laughed to myself.

Because I was picturing inside my mind, if I had asked the driver to stop the car, reversed to where that kid was standing, and gotten out of the cab, my conversation would have been:

F: Hi.
Boy: "£$%^&%*£
F: I can see that you think you need this cab more than I do.
Boy: £%&%$&*$^&
F: Why don't you have it. Actually you know what, I'm going to give you a free ride.
*Hands the cab driver ten bucks and asks him to keep the change*
F: Now you can save your little middle finger and be a good boy in school.
Boy:"$%^&*()&£" *As he enters the cab*

I laughed to myself as I saw the scene replay over and over again in my head. But I didn't do it because by the time I saw him, the cab driver had already driven to the middle lane of the road and was heading to turn right. Not a good idea to stop and reverse with a whole herd of cars right behind us.

I am pretty sure he would think twice about showing his middle finger off again. Either that or reverse psychology would get the better of him: He's show the finger everytime he wants a free ride. HAHAHAHAH.

I do hope this situation happens again. Really.

Trip Photos: PART THREE (Cambodia Mission Trip)

2010-07-27T13:12:00.003+08:00

This is the shop that sells fried crickets and spiders. Some of them ate the spidey. hmm.

This is us doing the zen shot. Ben has many photos still and he has no time to burn it for us. SOBS.

Trip Photos: PART TWO (Annual Bible Camp)

2010-07-27T13:08:00.002+08:00

This was after celebrating Mo's birthday in Gil/Grace's room. And smearing a lot of cake on his face. Hahhaa. We were clearly very happy doing it :)

Trip Photos: PART ONE (Japan)

2010-07-27T12:23:00.003+08:00

Capsule hotel. Worst ever because the place is so small I almost wanted to die. But it was worth the experience, I have to say.

At Universal Studios.

At a temple in Kyoto. We wanted to look for a place sing Praise and Worship songs, but we ended up taking lots of pictures in the middle of a road.

Thats Mt Fuji behind us! Really loved this part of the trip because it was all nice and breezy. Lots of cycling and daisy-picking! :)

We went crazy over veggie juices. The food we consumed in Japan had a serious lack of vegetables, and we wondered how they even do their daily poo-ing since they take in so little fiber. We had juice everyday without fail, and still we have difficulties. Hahaha.

When you are bored, blog. :)

2010-07-21T08:49:00.001+08:00

I love re-reading old blogposts.
I love re-reading conversation history.
I love re-reading ancient messages kept in the phone.
I love re-reading diary entries from a decade ago.

I thought this was quite funny.

2010-07-21T08:44:00.003+08:00

Hahahah.

Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet; and two others at first speech are old friends. -Mary Catherwood

A: 'We are old friends at first speech because even when we were under the same roof, we didnt talk leh.'
B: *Bursts out in intensive laughter.*

The Lord He disciplines

2010-07-21T08:18:00.002+08:00

Hebrews 12

As sons and daughters of God, co-heirs of Jesus Christ, so are we being disciplined by our Lord Himself, just as a father disciplines his child.

In the last two week of school, I've had my ups and downs. In fact, in the last two days (Mon, Tues), I've had my ups and downs. I've had classes leaving me feeling accomplished and great, but also classes leaving me exasperated, lousy and terrible. But one thing I am for sure, is that God is in there. Be it rain or shine, God is in there. And there is a purpose for everything that happens under the eye of God (that is all things).

I was praying yesterday in the staffroom after feeling immensely (exaggerating) depressed and frustrated at the way I dealt with a certain situation in my class. And I saw how I had so many learning points. And through that, the Lord reveals to me that He is really disciplining me.

Just thinking about it makes me smile. The reason why I have been sent here, into the teaching ministry (as such I would like to think), is for His glory. Not just in the school among the students, but also in me, that I may be a partaker of holiness.

He's smoothening my rough edges, cleaning up my dirty spots and straightening my crooked sides. Its nice to know that my God loves me to spend time doing this. So that Heb 12:11 might be fulfilled. :)

'No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.'

May the Lord's strength be with me, so that through it all, I may endure. For many of us who are going through trying and difficult times, keep our focus centred on God, and Him alone. And know that He is the source of comfort, strength, grace, mercy, faith, hope and love.

But God, He never abandons us. :):):)

Praise the Lord! In good times and bad times I will say, praise the Lord!

I don't know what to say about today

2010-07-16T11:08:00.003+08:00

Psalms 23:4
And though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death (a classroom full of scary teenagers throwing stuff at one another, shouting right across the class, walking around, pulling hairs)
I will fear no evil (talking back, getting ugly, disobedience, plain disrespect, being bullied)
For THOU ART WITH ME.

I must tell myself, that no matter how upset I am, I will not show my rage in class. Because if I do, I will sin. And vengeance belongs to the Lord.

From today onwards, I am going to pray for every student in my class. I am going to bring home my class list and pray. I am going to pray them into obedient, sweet teenagers who are polite and humble.

I am not an idealist. I am just going to pray and the God that I have is definitely bigger than 43+35+42 disobedient children.

I am going to pray for myself also. For wisdom and tact to deal with these teenagers, for patience and love. Love.

God please help me reach out.

Eric and Eva

2010-07-14T10:27:00.003+08:00

Welcome to the world of my toys. Meet Eric the Wombat, and Eva the Teddy.

Arent they cute? Eric has a tiny hole in his heart, that's why he's covering it up with his hands. He's trying his best to heal that little hole but I guess he will never be whole again until he finds his love. Badly hurt you know, after the last separation. Eva is trying her best to be a good sister. She showers Eric with love, as much as she can, every day and night. It is working bit by bit. I have yet to preach to Eric. But I believe he will be healed when he hears the gospel.

'By His stripes, I am healed.'

Remember? :)

Eva is not suicidal. I just wanted her to have fun swinging herself around. Get some breeze. Hahaha.

Okie. I better stop. Before the teacher siting behind me thinks I'm weird. (Maybe she already does)

Demsey Hill

2010-07-14T09:42:00.004+08:00

I wonder what's there. Its one of the places in Singapore I've never been to. Heard much of though... Hmmm.

BTW, I had the horriblest of all nights. I went to bed after ironing my clothes at 9pm. I had the hugest headache. I fell asleep until 950pm. And then there was some racket going on in the house. It was so noisy. People just kept talking and talking and talking, it really made my head spin faster. The lights came on and off and the cycle repeats itself for about 20 times. BAH.

At 1010pm I was frustrated and in pain and very hungry. So I got out of bed and went to the already noisy enough living room to grab some milk and biscuits. And then I head back to bed. Didn't work. Really.

I only managed to fall asleep at 340am. I saw my watch just before I tossed. And I think it was horrible. I had this really odd dream that I cannot remember what it was. And I kept waking up in the midst of it.

You know the type of sleep that isn't really sleep at all. Its just like drifting in and out and in and out over and over again. So YAH. I woke up this morning at 630am feeling really disgusted and gross out with myself. My eyes were like mini-swollen and red. SO SAD.

After I bathed, I told myself I'm not going to rush for the 651am bus, neither am I going to take the 704am bus and squeeze with 10,000 students. So I sat on my chair and said, I am going to take a cab. Means I am going to have time to pray and calm myself down.

So I sat there for about 15 mins. Listening to 'Draw Me Close' and cried out to God for help. And He came to my rescue. It felt good being in the presence early in the morning when the sun has not yet risen. It felt good starting the day with my God.

I got into the cab and reached the school at 720am. And I told myself. 'Felily, read your bible because the Word of God will calm you down.'

So I opened my bible and read it. And read about King Darius and his decree. It did calm me.

Then I found out I had to relief the very first period at 5/1. And I did. And they were delightful. Very delightful. Managed to talk to some students about their goals and where they want to go after graduation. Very delightful class.

My God has healed me. And its been a really eventful day though only 3 hours has passed since I woke up. :)

I have to talk about Ruth's wedding

2010-07-11T19:22:00.003+08:00

Sorry I know I'm supposed to be doing my BSF hw. But last night at Fort Canning was awesome.

I will try to condense all my thoughts about the wedding in a few lines (Ok, I'm not sure about that, as usual, but I am going to try. Lets just see where this brings us.)

I love the setting. The music and the marquee is just BEAUTIFUL. The lights and all. Okay, maybe the only thing was the green carpet that I think should be some other colour but seriously, the set was beautiful. It was BEAUTIFUL. Full stop.

Love is in the air! I mean its just so wonderful seeing them getting married. It was really nice. And really really sweet. I have to say I enjoyed the wedding like crazy.

The people! I love the people who went! The crazy people who went to celebrate the love. YAY!

We should have more of such weddings! :)

Okay thats it!

40 thoughts

2010-07-11T18:28:00.004+08:00

Here are the thoughts of the evening:

My stomach hurts from I don't know what. I feel like I'm going to pass out everytime I stand up.
I think I have to decide on a fasting regime, and then stick to it, because it isn't helping on my bowel system. *Disclaimer: Disgusting bits ahead.* I crapped out an entire blob of vegetables. I feel sad for myself.
And I'm losing weight at the speed of lightning.
I have nothing to do. Which is really bad because idling is one of the last things that will keep me right now.
I have not thought of what to wear for tomorrow.
I earnestly hope I don't faint tomorrow. I think I better eat two dinners tonight.
I am glad I spent time with church friends today even though I was exceedingly sleepy.
I thank God for people around me.
I am looking forward to the movie marathon (August, faster plan)!
I need to blog this conversation we had at starbucks after lunch today. Justin, be warned that you will be seeing your name. Hahahahahahaha.

August: We so should do a movie marathon!
Joyce & Felily: Yea!
Joyce: I love watching movies!
Felily: I have this whole bag of dvds at home! Eh. We can marathon at Justin's house. Poor Justin, need to open house again.
Joyce: Then we stay until late late. Hahahha.
August: Then we say to him, 'I'm sorry Justin, but you're not invited.' Then we happening ourselves.
Thats about the conversation. Justin, we sincerely hope you're not offended. And don't worry, if we can't do movie marathon in your house, we'll do it at someone else's house instead. We won't pull the August-Line on you so fast: 'Let us use your TV or DIE. Pick one.'
We were just discussing about the great time we had at Justin's place for combined LG just the previous session. And the fun time we had during World Cup. And we said to each other that we should have more combined LG chances! Justin please! :D
We think John and Mel's house is humongous.
I haven't do my BSF hw.
We almost had a mini CMT gathering lunch after service at TREATS today. We had 6 of us present at lunch.
Caleb and Serene are back with baby Sophie!
The current verse I'm meditating now so that I can get a grip on my own life is:

Matt 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
That is so true.
And God will give me new grace, mercy and courage every morning. They are fresh every morning. Renewed every morning. Complete every morning. Sufficient every morning.
God help me. Please.
I think I'm having diarrohea.
I keep hearing people ask me if I'm losing weight. I'm thinking that I must be. I should eat more. Otherwise I'm going to shrink to a scary 46kg.
I am thinking what I should do for the rest of the week. I really should start doing either lesson planning, piling up the English resources or write my sermon, prepare BSF, plan my finances.
I can't wait to get a new phone. I am still contemplating if I should change the telecoms provider. Am currently a Singteller. POLL: SHOULD I SWITCH TO M1?
My stomach still hurts like crazy.
Today's beehoon soup from Treats contained smelly pork. It was really smelly. Even the pork lover, Grace, had to agree with me. I hate smelly pork.
I am beginning on a new and difficult journey of letting go and letting God. But if life is easy, who needs God?
I have the song stuck in my head:

Hear this praises/ from a grateful heart
Each time I think of You/ the praises start
Love You so much/ Jesus/ Love You so much
Mary Catherwood
"Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet; and two others at first speech are old friends."
I agree.
I should get going to do my BSF.
I would like it if I sleep at 11pm today.
*Point is deleted.*
I think I sound melancholic in all these thoughts. Please don't start thinking I'm depressed. I'm not. I think there are just some days where you feel better, and other days where you dont.
I really thank God that Jesus died on the cross for us. And it humbles me, like it has been humbling me since I rediscovered the meaning of the cross just two weeks ago. I am repeatedly reminded of how much God loves us. He washes away the marks that have been left behind by our sins. How we are undeserving, and unworthy of His love. Yet He willingly hung Himself on the cross, the Love that kept Him hung on that cross to die for our sins. In His eyes He saw none of our past because He says, 'By my stripes, you are healed.' And because of His love, we can come before the Father's throne of grace in white robes. Somebody just like me, was worthy of Jesus's death on the cross. Jesus said that I am worth it. I am worth it.
He is so brave. A million times more courageous than I am. And so what can I do now, but offer everything I have for Him.
I am so very touched.
I smell milo.
I just want to look at the cross every morning when I wake up and set my eyes upon Jesus. I just want to think about Him all day long. I just want to read His word and spend time in His presence all day long. I just want to embrace Him all day long. I just want to call out His name all day long.
My God will provide all my needs. He will never let me go hungry.
Okay one more thought before I do my BSF hw.
I am going to do my BSF hw now. Hahahahahahaha.

Confusing conversation with Evangeline

2010-07-09T11:41:00.002+08:00

We were talking on our way from Paya Lebar MRT station to church. In the bus, we discussed the difference between 100Plus and H20. Actually, she discussed it, not me.

On the bus to church:

Evan: If you drink it and really taste it right, there's a difference.
Felily: Really meh? They taste the same to me leh. H20 just taste cheaper.
Evan: Got difference. 100Plus is saltier because it has higher salt content. H20 has higher sugar content. If you need more salt in your body, drink 100Plus.
Felily: Oh is it.
Evan: Ya, it depends on your body. Like for me, I need more salt.

*long pause 'cause Felily is pondering.*

Felily: How to know whether you need more salt?
Evan: I don't know.
Felily: HUH?! Then how you know?
Evan: Er... I don't know eh.
Felily: HUH?

*still very puzzled at how Evan doesn't know and yet knows.*

Felily: *Breaks into crazy laughter*
Evan: *Stares in shock*

*5 seconds later*

Evan: *Breaks into crazy laughter* What?
Felily: I don't know!
Evan: Huh? *Starts this fit of laughter that cannot be stopped*

And then we laughed our way throughout the bus trip with people staring at us. And then we had dinner and the matter was THOUGHT to be forgotten. But no. Felily has a big brain for conversations.

20 pc nuggets

2010-07-09T08:36:00.006+08:00

BTW,

I ate from a 20pc nugget box last night. Joyce and Justin decided to surprise me with one box of nuggets from Macs though we were meeting at MOS for dinner. Justin messaged me at like 6pm to ask if I was sure MOS was okay. (Yes Justin, I know you're reading this.) Okay la. I DID want to die for 20pc nuggets. Which I ate in the end. So PRAISE THE LORD. He knows my name and He knows my every thought. He knows Ella (the tummy) well too :)

I ate 13 nuggets at one go last night. I think the other 7 was eaten by other people. But 13 was good enough. hahahaha!

ANW, here's how to eat a nugget so that you will never forget how good it tastes:

Take the first nimble off the tip.
And then you have to look at your nugget. *Look at the nugget longingly* Because you need to check out the chicken juice (or rather oil lah~) that's coming out from the white meat that makes McDonald's nuggets so to-die-for.
Take another bite. But don't finish it yet.
And then take your final bite.
Before you finish chewing your nugget, get a new one and look at it first.
Before you are done with the nugget that is STILL in your mouth, do step 1.
Repeat procedure over and over again.

I love eating nuggets. So the rest watched me eat my 13pc nuggets while they ate their MOS meals (how sad). Oh, Evan wasn't eating her MOS meal. She was eating Beehoon soup from TREATS. She was seated next to the Nuggetier (Me) and the MOSiers (Joyce, Sam and Justin). Nicely disguised.

So I stole fries from Sam. This time I ate more than 2. (More like half a packet.) And I drank my cup of coke (which I had been thinking about since Tuesday morning) and didn't get enough of it so I stole more coke from Sam. Ha! Too bad for the people siting in front of me. I'm such a glutton.

I wanted to steal vegetable stalks from Evan but I thought I shouldn't be eating so much. (You must be shaking your head and saying 'Yea right.') But I am a good girl. :)

Its true.

BTW, had the fun-nest time singing some Spanish/English song and reaching the high notes with multi-coloured people. And I managed to get home by 11pm (by the grace of God) because Seany gave me a lifty! YAY!

But I didn't sleep at 12mn because I was doing other things. Important things. :)

There goes the story of my life.

Its e-learning day today for the lower secondary, so I'm missing the first English period and moving on to the second English period which is beginning in about 55mins time. Besides, its my favourite class. Because they are noisy but heartwarming. They might behave LIKE animals, but they are really angels in disguise. (Trust me when I say 'No sarcasm intended.')

OH AND I MUST MENTION BABY JESSICA.

She is so sweet. And so very small. John and Mel were saying that she's asleep half (or rather all) the time and if we were to carry her, she wouldn't cry because she will be asleep, and in the words of Mel, because she's elastic. (?!)

So Evan carried her first, successfully. And she stirred (Jessica I mean) and then when Evan put her down, she cried! (Jessica I mean) So John sent her to the nursery to get changed because she peed in her pants and was feeling disgusted at herself and very uncomfortable at the same time (I would too if I peed in my own pants.)

So when she returned, it was my turn to try because she was asleep when she returned. So when I carried her, she woke up. And she opened her eyes and left it open throughout the time I was carrying her. And she stared at me with such earnestness that I thought I was going to die from staring back. Hahahaha. So I asked her what would she like to be when she's grown up. Mel answered, 'I want to be pastor!' and she said again, 'High priestess!' Hmm...

So I put her down after interrogating her without much avail. And she burst into tears. So we thought she wanted to be carried, but so-we-thought wrongly! She was hungry. So we left the room so Mel could feed her.

SO MUCH ACTION. And John said she's normally asleep 22hours a day. Right. He came after us after we left to tell us that he has never seen that much action (after the delivery happened, but of course) when people came to visit. So we guessed we were pretty blessed to see all that movement and huge eye staring competition.

I had a great time with the couple and the baby. And of course Evangeline as well. Hahahaha.

Babies. Delicate, adorable, nice smelling and elastic. God knows that the best way to get irritating persons some attention is to make them really cute. Its amazing how something that size and that adorable can ever come out of someone else.

It has to be God. No doubt.

Big LOVE,
Felily

I am an English Teacher by profession

2010-07-09T07:18:00.002+08:00

only.

Hi Student X. I hope you're not really one of my students. (please don't be, actually it isn't that possible)

But I think I'm entitled to make as many grammatical errors as I want to on my own blog. HA.

*Disclaimer* Really bad grammar ahead.

I is think that you is a few few too strict on me 'cause this are personal space. So maybes I can be a few few more liberal with meself language.

Ok. I'm distressed. But God will always be good. And I have the song 'Came to my rescue' stuck in my head because it is so true.

Shall blog again when I am in better shape.

What a faithful God have I/What a faithful God
What a faithful God have I/Faithful in every way

The above statement has been trialed and tested in every way public and private.

In between free periods

2010-07-08T08:59:00.002+08:00

I totally love the new shoe pads I got from Daiso yesterday. MUAHAHA.
They make walking in heels so comfortable.

Its only 9am in the morning, but I feel like half the day is gone.
I have a social studies class later at 1015am.
I have assembly to attend at 115pm.
I should be home by 3pm. (By the grace of God)
I must change, and very hopefully sneak a 30min nap.
I must leave my house to meet Joyce and Evan.
I will visit Mel because she just delivered beautiful looking Jessica.
I will meet Justin for dinner with the rest of the girls and some other people (maybe).
I will be going for rehearsal. (I wonder who's teaching it.)
I will try my best to be home by 11pm. (If I have to take a cab, I will.)
I will try to be asleep by 12mn.

I stopped a student on my way back to the staff room and asked her:
'You are the student whom I read wants to go to a journalism school.'
-Huh? How you know?
'Its on your notice board at the back of your class.'
-Oh.
'Do you still want to go there?'
-Smiles. Keeps quiet.
'You don't want to go there?'
-Nods her head.
'Does that mean you don't want to go there? Or you want to go there?'
-No.
'Oh I see. Because if you do, I can let you in on some info. I graduated from there.'
-Oh. Okay. *Giggles like crazy with her friends*
'Alright. Have a good day.'
-Bye bye Cher (the undignified way of calling a teacher)

Okay do report. Byebye!

I shouldn't be eating so much

2010-07-07T10:27:00.003+08:00

I could really do with a 20pc nugget box RIGHT NOW.

Like really.
I don't want to die from consuming excessive amount of fats but I just cannot stop the craving.
Its just the whole I'm-in-school-now-and-I-don't-have-nice-food-in-the-canteen-so-I-am-in-desperate-need-of-McDonalds-nuggets mood.

I just ate nuggets on monday, along with mcwings. Hahahah. And two fries. And August will kill me if he finds out that I'm destroying my body with the amount of McDonalds I'm eating. I almost wanted to eat those nuggets yesterday, but I decided that I shouldn't harm my body any further.

Tonight I am meeting Joyce. I will propose Long Johns (because their chicken strips are like mega nuggets, hahahaha) and Chicken Rice because I don't know why, but I have this mega craving for chicken. I cannot help it. Hhahahaha.

Ok. I can almost taste the chicken in my mouth.

Oh, and I need to watch a movie soon. I need time as well. Hahahhaa. Ok. Stop blogging.

The Beginnings of a Student-Teacher

2010-07-07T08:07:00.003+08:00

Okay, not very historical, but still pretty prehistoric, considering the short life we humans have.

Haven't been blogging in the longest time. But rest assured, I am still alive.
Now that I have returned from my three trips to Japan, Malacca and Cambodia, and have gotten food poisoning, as well as had a go at the since-you've-forgotten-how-it-feels-like-vomiting-I-will-let-you-try-it-again experience, I AM A STRONGER PERSON.

Oh yes.

Two weeks of school almost over (because today is mid-week, meaning, Wednesday) at the-school-that-must-not-be-named-for-fear-that-I-get-tracked. (Okay, I think it doesn't make a difference.) We were told at staff meeting not to post odd pictures of ourselves on our blogs (such as bikini photos, or naked photos, not that I have la) for fear that we get found out by our students and then we get our personal pictures plastered all over The New Paper (scary).

We were also told not to scout the Internet for our students' blogs in case they write nasty things about us and after reading, we might enter into depression. So, no go. Don't go searching for blogs Felicia. Oh, and keep your facebook account at the highest level of privacy. Hahahaha.

See the things we must do. Its like we have no more private life. During TPP (Teacher's Preparatory Programme), I had a friend who made a very cute action, that I cannot show on the blog because I didn't video it down. So I'm just going to do scriptwriting:

(Waves excitedly at blank space)
'Hello Teaching World.'
(Looks back and waves excitedly at blank space)
'Bye bye Private Life'
(Looks at us in dismay)

Thats about it for the acting.

I have to share a wee bit about my teaching experience so far. It has been a really fulfiling (teachers reading, don't punch my face. I know I've only been here for 7 days and yes I know nothing, but I think I am entitled to personal opinion) 6 past days. Even though I've only had 3 classes now on my own (all relief so I didn't do much, apart from babysiting) and I've sat in with a co-teacher and done my role as an observer in about 3 other home classes. Yes I must say that the students, though as if released from some 10, 000 year bondage, they are quite delightful. They might not give a care for you outside of school or even in the school compounds itself. But when you are reading their scripts (english scripts, not drama scripts) and you mark them and then you write comments, I think there some form of personal touch.

I was telling my mommy that my heart is wrenched marking and giving large amounts of zeros (though they cost nothing) while marking comprehension papers and not being able to give a mark at all for their english test because they've got their tenses all wrong. Oh man. I wanted to kill myself. It felt so horrible. I can almost imagine those faces staring at their english homework or their english test paper, and all their hopes of becoming a master at the english language is dashed. (yes, exaggeration, but still)

Momma says 'You'll get used to it.'

The down side of this is that, the students, some of them really don't care if they do well for english. They have somewhat resigned to 'fate' (this very mysterious force that seems to be overpowering) that they will never be able to pass their english. BUT WHY!

Ten Commandments of Teaching

I shall not move on my own, but on God's strength. Otherwise I know I will tire myself out by the end of this week.
I shall not worry about my students too much, because I shall not worry at all.
I shall not tear my hair apart because I've been giving zeros.
I shall not get upset easily by the usage of bad grammar.
I shall not stone in front of the wardrobe for hours wondering what to wear for work tomorrow because the truth is: I need more clothes.
I shall not comment on every single paper that I mark unless I see something really interesting (like battlefield handwriting) because I will run out of red ink faster than I think I would.
I shall not wear heels to work because the school is on some hill and my knees will break, but I will wear heels AT work. (Yes, very smart I know)
I shall pray before entering every class because God moves in mysterious ways that I will never be able to see and understand.
I shall remember to show God's love to every single student because everybody needs the love of God, and it is this love that changes lives.
I shall start reading social studies before my social studies class think I'm stupid.

I am not going to talk about teaching in this post anymore because I have a relief class to attend. I shall leave you with a small little quote from one of my student's english idiom test paper:

(Insert here a bad drawing of Uncle Sam (you know, the USA ARMY Uncle Sam. Okay if you dont, click here.)
Uncle Sam wants YOU to give me full marks.

After marking, I wrote next to the little cartoon this student did:

I'm sure he even knows you.

By the way, he didn't get full marks. He used all the right idioms but there were a couple of wrong tenses used. So too bad kiddo.

Have I mentioned?

2010-06-23T14:06:00.002+08:00

Cambodia mission trip was AWESOME beyond any words can describe.

I need some time to try put it into words.

Chronicles of a sick body

2010-06-23T13:40:00.002+08:00

Hey.

I've been back long enough. Since Saturday. And my apologies for not blogging for the longest of time.

I came back from Japan with this massive sore throat and cough. That didnt get well through the week before ABC, didn't get well at ABC, didn't get well for Cambodia. BUT it improved, by the grace of God, because I was talking excessively.

God protected me through Cambodia. No major happenings to my broken throat.

And then here comes the devil disguised in the form of food. (very smart you know.) NIE teacher's preparatory course TEA BREAK MEE SIAM completely poisoned me.

I vomited like massive amounts of mee siam and diarrhoea-ed like crazy on Monday. And had this nauseous feeling through till today. I barely moved on Monday night. And tuesday was a blur. Wednesday (today) was much better, after eating non-spasm-inducing-nausea-reducing pills.

I haven't vomitted since I was 6 years old. I must thank God that He kept me alive through the torturous event which was revolting and disgusting all at the same time. I must applaud Cathy Chia for being so brave every time she puked (which is pretty often) because I thought it was the worst feeling ever! Like come on! Vomitting? EEEEW-ness. 10 Points on the disgusting scale man. Stuff coming out from ur mouth and nose on its own will. Its just beyond me.

I feel better now. Though queasy. But praise the Lord. His grace is upon me. And His Spirit comforts me. He has sent nice people around me to care for me and love me. And even though I had to be put through throngs of questioning by my lovely mother on Monday night, when she asked me 5 times what I ate though I told her 4 times (because the 5th time I was exhausted already), I still felt loved. She cooked me a pot of plain porridge, of which I only managed to slurp up 10 spoons of before heading to the toilet all over again.

Yes, God's love is upon me.

I shall end here. And return to blogging when I have more time.

Oh. Current update: I am being posted to Outrum Secondary School to teach English and Social Studies. And school starts on the 28th June. I have to attend the staff retreat this friday at VJC. hmmm.

PRAISE THE LORD. School is walking distance for me :) God is so good! He knows exactly my thoughts and my needs. He has granted me the desire of my heart! Yay-ness.

The Current 'In' Song on the playlist

2010-06-02T14:03:00.003+08:00

Jesus Name Above All Name

Jesus name above all name
Beautiful Saviour, Glorious Lord
Emmanuel, God is with us
Blessed Redeemer, Living Word

Listen to it here!

Memoirs of the travelling graduate

2010-06-02T13:25:00.002+08:00

Just popped out of Japan, not too fresh, been left in the open for 4 days now.
I shall leave the talks of Japan trip to Deanna and her exciting blog.
You may read it here.

On Monday I will be leaving for Malacca. Till Thursday.
And then comes Saturday, I will be on a jetplane to Cambodia for a week.

When I am back, it shall be Hello World. Here to stay for good, or at least for the next 5 years.
No more exciting rendezvous for Felily.

(Short trips of relaxation allowed, though.)

I am feeling a little lazy to type. So thats just it for it.

Oh, I have to say, I completely enjoyed YPM on saturday, after not seeing my members for 2 weeks. I really missed them. I screamed, laughed and talked till my voice is sore. Still is. I had to see a doctor today, so that I am classified under the 'Good Girl' category.

God is so good to me. He allows me to see the joy in serving Him, to see the love in every member's heart. I thank God daily, for opening the eyes of my heart, so that I can see how much He loves the youth, and how much the youth means to Him. Praise be to the name of the Lord. :):)

Shall update some other time when I am bored. :)

Goodbye Singapore

2010-05-11T00:51:00.001+08:00

'Cause I'm leaving on a jetplane. Dont know when I'll be back again.

I so can't wait to disappear. :)

The graduating paper

2010-05-04T22:46:00.002+08:00

Today I completed my last exam paper. Finally, 17years of education, completed. And yet, I feel not celebrative at all.

Because I don't feel well! :(:(

I almost passed out on the train today on my way to school. The horriblest feeling. I am in fact a little dizzy. Yet, the way it happened was pretty funny. I will write about it when I feel better.

I will attempt to bathe squatting down now and I will sleep.

But before that I want to thank God for sustaining me throughout the day, throughout the paper, and throughout the trip home. I thank God that His mercies seriously endures forever. muackies.

Be reasonable

2010-05-04T14:33:00.003+08:00

A follow-up on the previous post. I took an hour break for lunch while pondering on the matter. If it really is so, I shall just pay the money. Because there is no point fighting for something that is just-the-way-it-is.

And I shant be unreasonable, unless there is indeed an overcharging. I have never heard of auto roaming charges in this manner before, but then again, there is always first times.

Therefore on Thursday, I will make a trip down to Hello! at parkway with Joyce. And then I will be rational and calm and nice.

Beyond all that, I must remember that I am a christian.

Which reminds me. Last night Samuel and I were discussing this verse in 1 Corinthians, where Paul says why are we brothers fighting against brothers and even more so in front of unbelievers. That makes us utter failures.

Very assertive statement there.

Even if the service counter personnel on Thursday isn't a christian, (hahaha), it is my duty, always my duty, that I am a Christian before I am a consumer.

Which makes me a Christian before I am a daughter.

A Christian before being a teacher.

A Christian before being a friend.

A Christian before anything else.

My duty is to God, first and foremost.

Therefore, be rational felily, and be Christian.

Maybe I should boycott singtel after two years

2010-05-04T13:39:00.002+08:00

They made me pay my incoming overseas calls twice. TWICE. TWICE.

Alright, I must admit. I am very sore about it. Firstly because it doesnt make sense at all. WHERE GOT SUCH THING ONE!!!!!! Secondly, it STILL doesn't make sense at all. I'm paying for the same bill twice. TWICE.

Last month I paid 253. This month I'm paying 200. Singtel cheat my money. I am going to complain :(:(:(:(

I don't like. :(:(

I've called and they said its just the way it is. Because Sri Lanka billed them so I need to pay for that bill. Oh ya, it is in fine print on their Pay-as-you-roam page that operator might charge for incoming calls. BUT STILL.

Okay la. Maybe I'm upset because its the first ever occurrence of me paying overseas calls and SMSes twice. And the fact that its so much money. 400plus. 400plus.

My phone bill is sucking my account dry. I should just switch it off.

One more day to my last exam

2010-05-02T22:44:00.003+08:00

and I am not very prepared, which makes me feel disgusted at myself.

And I am exhausted from all the reading.

My eyes are tired.

So is my heart.

But my God, His strength is made perfect for my weakness. And His grace sufficient for each new day.

His mercies are new, every morning.

Tomorrow, I will awake with new grace and new mercy. Start afresh.

P.S. I saw Deanna today. She drove down to Millenia to find Joyce and I. God has answered our prayers. :)

I miss deanna

2010-05-02T00:08:00.001+08:00

I haven't seen her in the longest time (about a week). WHY! :(

Rejoice

2010-04-29T12:08:00.007+08:00

I FOUND AN ACOUSTIC GUITAR IN THE DEPTHS OF MY HOUSE!!!!!

That increases the number of guitars I have to a whopping number of SIX.

But you know what. Nothing beats finding an acoustic guitar in your house when you wake up one morning feeling really sad and empty. And then you pray and ask God to fill you and make you glad. And then you open your eyes, and TADA!

Mysterious guitar bag lurking by the corner of the room.

Scampers to open it. TADA!

ACOUSTIC GUITAR!!!!!

The Lord is indeed good. He's been a very detailed God in the last few days. Meeting my smallest needs. I'm so touched that such a big and powerful God who has so many things to do and is so busy, is also interested in meeting my smallest and most insignificant need (like no more sweets in my bag, or needing to drink coke, or needing to be happy, or finding food in the rice pot in the middle of the night when I am famished).

Awwwwww........ :):) I feel so loved!

This is absolute yay-ness.

5 Classical Guitars and 1 Acoustic Guitar. ONE ACOUSTIC GUITAR. :D

Rejoice in the Lord

Again I say rejoice!

Celebrate and sing

Mighty is our King.

We proclaim that our God reigns

We have the victory

In the name of the Lord!

REJOICE! REJOICE! REJOICE!

THE Events of an almost graduate

2010-04-28T23:28:00.002+08:00

FYP Oral Presentation

Indeed, Thou Art With Me in the room :) It was perfect. Praise the Lord, for His grace is always always always sufficient. Shan't say more. :)

MB106 Management Exam

I know how to do everything. Hahahah. But the last question, on its accuracy, I doubt it. BUT, its all in the hands of my God. I've done my best, I know! :)

The God-given Coke

Was tau-huaying with Samuel on Monday and we walked past this vending machine and being me, I needed coke. So we put the coins into the coin slot. And this last 20cent coin just refused to be accepted. On his 5th try,

S: Okay, I know what. This coin needs to be put in with love.

F: How you gonna do that.

S: *Put the coin in really slowly.*

F: Oh ya, that helps.

So he just kept his other hand at the change box at the bottom of the vending machine, ready to catch the discriminated coin.

After like two failed tries of love-slotting the coin, I decided to pray.

F: God I pray that this coin will go in and be accepted. In the name of Jesus I believe and I pray, AMEN.

S: *Put his other hand at the change box at the bottom of the vending machine.*

F: Oi! You must have faith! *Smacks hand. And put the coin in.*

And as you can guess. My God is my Provider in my time of thirst. Hahaha! You cannot imagine the volume at which I cheered and laughed when the coin got accepted.

S: *Stares.* Only women can do that.

F: *Overly delighted in her coke.* This coke is really God give me one lei! Hahahahahah!

Therefore, I urge you brethren, rejoice also in the little ways that God provides for you. And do not despise the little things He can do. My God is big and small at the same time. :)

(BTW, I'm thinking of starting this 'Conversations with The Samuel' thread. 'Cause I think he says the oddest things.)

Sms-ing Ben

F: How's army today!

B: Like that lor. (Information cannot disclose) How are you today!

F: I just had my exam and it was good!

B: Wah. If I take exam now, sure fail. My IQ drop like crazy here!

F: =x

I thought the last thing he said was super funny.

Studying with Evangeline

I was at Cathay's Starbucks for a good amount of time this afternoon with EBAN. I have to say we were pretty much focused.

On our way to dinner she tiptoed to knock herself into this advert that was hanging from the ceiling. I was like ?! Why are there people out there who willingly allow themselves to get knocked by things! Okay la, maybe 'cause I always knock my own head (tall people syndrome)

Reading the Word of God

I've progressed from completing Joshua, Ruth, Judges, 1 Sam, 2 Sam and now I'm on the 7th chapter of 1 Kings.

I am eternally blessed reading it everyday.

Now I begin to see the messages that God wants to tell us, are not just in certain books, or in certain passages, but they are literally everywhere. And its amazing to realise it (sorry, I might be the only one rejoicing here).

In every passage there's everything that He wants us to know. Every passage is filled with the message of:

-Obedience

-Love

-Grace

-Faith

-Hope

and like many many many other things.

But I have to say, reading the last few books opened my eyes to one very pertinent message: OBEDIENCE IS BEFORE SACRIFICE.

And therefore it shall be the motto forever. :)

YAYness. I have one last paper on Tuesday! Praise the Lord!

I am dead tired

2010-04-19T00:09:00.003+08:00

I have been having rough nights. Not due to the large amount of work. But I think I am not mentally worked enough to fall asleep at night, because I end up tossing and turning for HOURS before I fall asleep, and it's detrimental to my health, my mood, and my next day's face.

I shall return with news about the FYP presentation that is taking place in exactly 9hrs48mins time. I am going to be in Priscilla's white cheongsam (yes, very surprisingly managed to squeeze myself in) and I am NOT going to memorise my script.

I shall update, if I have time. Await thy news.

Thou I walk through the valley of the shadow of death (including FYP Presentation Tutorial Room),

I will fear no evil (including stuttering and blanking out when questions are asked),

for THOU ART WITH ME.

Amen

This is the hundredth post

2010-04-16T23:57:00.001+08:00

And because I would seem too greedy on facebook if I changed my status one more time, I shall post it here instead:

I want to drink horlicks now.

My thoughts on a Friday morning

2010-04-16T01:38:00.002+08:00

Its 1:38am on a Friday.

1. Running in a field covered with beautiful sweet smelling flowers.

2. Listening to beautiful piano pieces

3. My future is in God's hands

4. Things now seem just where they are supposed to be

5. I am thankful, very thankful.

6. My deceased laptop is still deceased, Samuel's phone is on life support and I cannot think of the third example he gave that made me laugh for the longest time.

7. My nails are still painted, surprisingly.

8. I need to find a place that sells nice apple cinnamon rolls, so I can have a place to go to when I have cravings.

9. I didn't get to eat the apple crumble on the front shelf today at Spinelli.

10. I will try that cinnamon melts from mcdonald's.

11. Evangeline stared at the blender in Spinelli.

12. God loves me. He really does. And I am thankful He loves me more than anybody can, and will ever, love me. :)

13. I am feeling very hot right now.

14. I slept for the longest time on Tuesday 'cause I was feeling so dizzy I thought I was either going to puke or faint or both.

15. I am getting better.

16. God so loves me, He gave His only Son.

17. I didn't reply Joyce's sms.

18. Pong didn't reply my sms.

19. Its 1.45am.

20. My computer usage is to the minimal right now.

21. I am suppose to prepare for my presentation rehearsal tmr, but I haven't started.

22. I hope I get to swim on Sat.

23. I need to watch a movie.

Thats 23 thoughts for being 23.

Potful of Poises with Pongie

2010-03-31T12:05:00.004+08:00

LSF - Longest Surviving Friend.

So here I am with my primary school friend.
SHOUT-OUT TO PONG: We should really celebrate yearly anniversaries!

We've been friends since we were 10. So here goes... our friendship's thirteen years old. :) So yesterday we met and I decided to eat at Potful of Poises because the swing seats in the restaurant looked too desirable for me to handle. BUT, when we got in, the swing seats were all taken and we were stuffed to the back of the restaurant on navy blue seats. Not too bad.

I liked the fact they played really old school songs, in new style. Thankfully, not techno versions of them. :) But halfway through dinner, there was this gang of people who came (office workers) and they talked so loudly, the Potful's music just got louder, the tables around us got louder and Pong ended up shouting. Oh dear. hahahaha.

Pong's chicken in thai chilli sauce and my mushroom chicken noodles. :)

The soup of the day (which I can't remb what it is) and Italian coffee.

Pretty hilarious. But we got past it. Its a nice place. The food's not too bad. And I ate half of Pong's chicken 'cus she couldn't finish it. I feel like a Samuel now. =x (no offense.) Its good not to waste food. Did I mention I ate her whipped potato too?

So for the two of us, we just managed to squeeze out 32 bucks for dinner, dessert and my coffee! Though I ate a good 25 dollars of the meal. Hahahah!

Good day spent :)

The Joy of the Lord

2010-03-30T14:09:00.010+08:00

Happiness is temporary. But joy is eternal.

Happiness looks at the self. But joy looks to the Lord.

This is why James say, 'Count it all joy when you fall into various trials' (James 1:2)

I know that things are difficult. And in some situations, it seems impossible to lift our spirits up, it seems impossible to smile and we can't help it but sulk and be depressed.

Are we really grieving, or are we just whining?

The Israelites murmured against God despite the many ways He has shown His power and might to them. They whined. And they were in the wilderness for 40 long years.

How long more are we going to whine? How long more are we going to allow our situation to eat us up into sadness, whining and murmurings?

When will we stand up and say, and declare, that our God is greater than any other thing? When will we allow God to deliver us? When will we be joyous?

Situations will continue to arise. Circumstances will still be existing. Consequences will still be happening.

But joy.
Joy will lift us up on eagles wings.
Joy will let us look at the situation we're in from God's point of view.
Joy will give us the attitude that pleases God.
Joy will let us clap our hands and put a smile on our face and say 'Praise You God, for You are truly good.'

And 'though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.'

And this joy. Joy will be our strength. This is the joy of the Lord.

Look at it from God's point of view. And when you learn to praise God, even in the darkest hour, you will suddenly see light. And this light brings the joy that will fill your heart.

Therefore, Praise the name of Jesus!

Praise the Lord, for He is good. He is wonderful. He is great. He is mighty. Praise the Lord.

Then, you realise you're not looking at yourself anymore, you're not looking at the situation around you, you're not looking at the darkness around you.

But you are looking at God. God who delivers. God who saves. God who purposes. God who loves. God who is good. :):)

I am not saying that it is easy. Because I know it is not. I know.

But do remind one another to look at God. Look to God and praise Him.
Otherwise we will just allow our own set of worries and sadness suck us in. The only where you can get with depression is only further in. Therefore we have to look to God and the whole action of praising Him that brings us out of it.

Are you strong enough? Are you going to stand up and say,
'Yes I will praise the name of Jesus everyday of my life!'

Therefore, we must, lift up the name of the Lord. Hold up our tambourine (object of praise) and start dancing. BECAUSE God is good. And God is always good.

Start the change in mindset today.
And instead of self, put on the mind of Christ.
I say, put on the mind of Christ.

The Ikea Shopping Trip and its conversations

2010-03-30T12:15:00.005+08:00

So yesterday I finally got the bed lamp. Went to Ikea Tampines (my first time there).

So here it is. Black (as usual) and clamp-ish. Its only SGD5.90. But the bulb is twice more expensive. The bulb costs SGD14.90. I was exclaiming my disbelief out loud to Samuel (who was with me) and how unjustified it is. To buy a lamp that cost 5.90 and a bulb that cost 14.90. Okay. Im whining. BUT STILL!

I cannot believe the amount of time we took to find this one bed lamp. Thinking about it makes me laugh. I think we must have been overly bloated from the large amount of food we gorged ourselves with at the bistro. (Yes! The swedish meatballs! Finally!) And of course many other things that we ate (shan't mention for fear you, my reader, think we're monsters). And we decided to find the bed lamp and then go home since we're tired people. And so we walked. Walked around the entire 4th floor and then we both came to the conclusion that Ikea's a very disorganised place.

Here's how the conversation went:
S: I realised ah, why all the lamps are like scattered everywhere ah.
F: I know man. Why can't they just have one spot that sells all the lamps.
S: You know why.
F: Why?
S: Because that place would be too bright. Too painful.
F: -_-

And I got frustrated 'cus I'd spent 45mins walking around not finding enough lamps to compare prices and styles. :( So I suggested to go other floors.

And Sam in his wonderful state of mind said,
S: 'Got no more other floors.'
F: *laughs out loud* Siao la! How possible is it to have no more other floors. The whole building is IKEA leh Uncle Samuel. omgoodness.

So we walked out of level4 towards the staircase, and then lo and behold, we set our eyes on the information directory. So we find, find, and find some more and then we see LIGHTINGS -LEVEL 2.

F: Aren't we already at level 2.
S: But don't have leh.
S: *Looks around*
F: Why this place so like that one ah.
S: Oh. (points to the ceiling) We're at level 4 la.
F: Orh (with earnest realisation, as I see the sign 'Level 4 -SHOWROOMS') no wonder.

So we went to level two and walked to the LIGHTINGS spot. While approaching that place, Samuel gave a one liner in pure dejection:
'Oh my gosh. That place is not for people like me. I need night time. Night time.'
F: -_-

OKAY! Find the lamp! Find and find, find and find. I need to add that he is the epic example of someone who never learns his lesson. The first time we saw a lamp when we were in level 4, he turned the lamphead and stared into the bulb.

S: Aw, my eyes! *Rubs*
F: See la.

And he did it again the next time we saw another lamp. And again! This is getting very hilarious.
When we were at level2, we saw this tiny lamp and he grabbed the lamphead with his bare hands, and guess what.

S: Aw, my hands. So hot.
F: -_-

I have given up. Hahahahah! So hilarious. I could literally shake my head throughout the shopping trip in Ikea. Ha! Oh dear, I think I might have made Samuel look a little stupid in this post. Hahahaha! Sorry Sam, its just really amusing to me. To put him in better light, he made shopping pretty objective, as most men do.

S: Light, Felicia. Light. Here for the light.

So he kept repeating that over and over and over again. Which kinda helped. Hahahaha!

So I went home with this really black bed lamp and tried to fix it to my bed. And guess what, I broke it the first time I tried to fix it to my bed front. I woke my mom up because she thought I unscrewed the bed or something. And it took me really long to finally fix that thing in perfect position.

And FINALLY. I can read my bible on my bed before I go to bed. YAY!!!! *Claps hands!*

So I did. And this morning at FIVE AM IN THE MORNING, my mother ruffled my hair and screamed at the top of her voice,
'FELICIA! CAN YOU SMELL IT. CAN YOU SMELL IT, GOT SOMETHING BURNING.'

Rule No. 1: Never tell a person who has been through a fire, if she can smell anything burning at 5 in the morning. Because she will then not be able to go back to sleep.

I spent the next hour in torture, because I was so so so tired, but I couldnt go to bed because I was imagining where the fire could be and if I would die from the smoke. I spent the next 1 hour sniffing away and trying to uncover where it came from.

And then at SIX AM IN THE MORNING, my mom said very calmly,
'Aiya, I think don't have. Might be the new wire smell from your new lamp.'

Rule No.2: Never wait one hour to tell a dead tired girl, trying to fall back to sleep but can't cuz she's super scared she'll be burnt to death by some invisible fire, that there is no fire.

At that note, I turned around and actually smelt my lamp. 'No burn smell' and then I went back to sleep. (and I overslept so I didn't go to class. Ha!) I can't believe I actually smelt my lamp. Gee. Hhaha.

Okay. Im still glad I got the lamp. Though it cost me one hour of precious sleep and one hour of commotion in the hse, its still good. And thanks Sam, for getting lost in Ikea with me. Hhahhaa. That place is really huge, and confusing anyway. Who needs big spaces! hmph!

Okay. enough of laughing and blogging Felily. Your report is not going to magically disappear. Write your report.

Endure

2010-03-30T10:32:00.007+08:00

A little confused about things.

I just want to be in God's presence, just God and I. Its time I take a prayer walk around the estate once again. Just spending time in the dark with my Daddy and me.

But in all things, learn to endure.

It seems as if we are going through a spiritual wilderness this year. I do know so. Before I started 2010, everyone was excited about how 2010 was going to be like, that God would bless us and God will increase us and God will bring in the harvest. I too was excited. I too am excited (though it get increasingly hard as the days go by to stay excited).

But I remember the dream I had when the year just got started. There were demons chasing us every where and coming in on all directions. Up to this day, the dream is still vivid in my head. How they chased us past the streets of ancient walls, and how they grabbed us from all directions. We were pulling and fighting them off. And finally we ran and we were safe in the church at the end of the street. We shut the doors behind us and they were all locked out.

I woke up sweating. And afraid. Then I got down on my knees to pray and I asked God if He was trying to tell me anything.

All I heard was WARFARE. Prepare for warfare.

Then Samson announced the sermons two weeks later on the 'Armor of God'. In my heart, something jumped for joy. I knew it. It is truly the time to stand and fight.

It might seem now as if the warfare hasn't started. But O boy has it. Temptations, trials, selfishness, fleshy desires. It keeps running towards us. First to the leaders, then to the members, then to the congregation. Temptations. Trials.

How many of us have been thrown into the spiritual desert?
Are we wondering in the spiritual wilderness?
Have we lost sight of God and focused on ourselves instead?
Have we succumbed to the things of this world, our own emotions, our own hearts?

What is most important, is to open our eyes. God's people cannot fight when we are blind. Open the eyes of my heart Lord. If you think everything is well and you don't need God, look again. Take a look with those spiritual eyes of yours. Look again.

We need to pray. We need to get down on our knees and pray. We need to pray and stand in the gap. We need to pray.

Stand firm, in the truth. Put on the armor of God every single day. Let His eternal joy be our strength. Stay faithful in the things we are to do (read your bible and pray everyday). Endure. Endure. And continue to endure.

Are we going to let the seed (the Word of God) fall on wayward and thorny ground? So that when the devil comes, he snatches it away. Worries. Lies. Doubt. Impatience. Restlessness. Fear. Insecurity.
Or are we going to let the truth take root in our hearts, so that we nurture and grow the fruit of the Spirit. Love. Joy. Peace. Kindness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. Goodness. Patience. Self-control.

Endure. Even if the path ahead is hard. I say, endure.

The cross is before us, and the world behind. We shall not look back. We shall not look around and get distracted. We shall focus on the God. Focus on the Lord.

So how now how now!

1. Open our spiritual eyes
I think what is most important now is to ask the Lord to open up our spiritual eyes so we may see the spiritual atmosphere we are in now. And what is more, to identify the things around us from a spiritual perspective. What are the trials, where are the temptations.

2. Commit to the Lord
And then we need to commit them into God's hand. We need to pray. Pray, pray and pray some more. Don't stop praying. Pray until something happens. Keep praying. Pray against it. Pray about it. Pray for help. Pray for deliverance.

3. Stay faithful
In the meantime, stay faithful in the little things. Read your bible and pray everyday. Serve the Lord and wait on Him while waiting for Him.

4. Have faith
We need to know and believe that God is there. God is there even though it seems as though He isnt. He is there. Do you believe it? God is here with you, right now. This very moment. He will never leave you nor forsake you.

So do not even think about running away from God. You will be running away from the very source of your strength and help in times of need. You are running away from your very shelter and refuge. You are running away from the firm foundation, from the Rock.

5. ENDURE
And lets endure. Hold on to the promises. Hold on to the truth. Endure. Enduring takes effort. Enduring takes strength. I know how hard it is to endure, to wait for God and to wait on God, but who is our source of strength? He who owns the hills and the valleys, the rivers and the oceans. He is our source of strength. I say, endure.

6. Renew your minds constantly
Remind yourselves to look back to God. Set your eyes upon Jesus. Look back to God. Put on the word of truth. Stuff it into your brains and your minds! Think warfare language. Think battle. Think God. Think fight. Don't be weak! RAHHHH.

The song I have is:
Yes I will run to You
To Your word of truth
Not by might, not by power
But by the Spirit of God.

Yes I will run the race (of endurance)
Till I see Your face
O Let me live in the glory of Your grace.

I have to say, 2010 is going to turn out to be exciting. And wonderful. But who are those who will get to see the harvest, the blessings and the growth with their spiritual eyes? I say, only those who have endured to the end. Only those who have run this year's race with God in their hearts and in their minds.

I want to be at the finishing line. I want. Therefore, I must endure.

I know I'm blogging alot but....

2010-03-29T16:34:00.003+08:00

Last night I was at Marine Square with Dee and we were having Anderson's Icecream before we went home.
While walking towards the exit of Marina Square, lo and behold, we see Samuel's grandparents: Uncle Tony and Auntie Ruth.

I waved. And he waved back.

He had this look on his face that completely describes 'I don't know who are these two young people waving at me, but since they're waving with such enthusiasm, I better just wave back.'

And I thought that was the end of it, but no. He walked towards me and he got Grandma Ruth along.

So we shook hands and I said 'Hi.' and when I shook Grandma Ruth's hand, I was just overwhelmed with joy. I dont know why. I wanted to hug her but I decided I shan't be emotional. Hahaha. It must be because of the 'Holy holy holy' song a few weeks back. And I took her by her shoulder, gently of course, and I said 'Auntie Ruth, I really wanted to tell you something but I never got the chance.'

And she looked at me with such kind eyes. She hadn't let go of my hands. And I said, 'When you shared about the song a few weeks back I was so excited and blessed by it. It was really good.' And I thought I wanted to cry.

She was still holding my hands. And I could smell her so close. She smelt like what I envisioned grandmothers to smell like. Faint flowers. And I felt so happy just holding her hands and watching her tell me all about the song.

So Deanna and I just stood there for about 5-10mins listening to Uncle Tony and Auntie Ruth talk about the song. And it was such joy being able to listen to them that upclose. It felt good too. After that Uncle Tony asked for our names, and very honestly said, 'I'm sorry I wouldn't remember them by tomorrow.' But of course, its okay. :)

I was so happy leaving Marina Square last night. <3

Studying and playing with Deanna Tan :)

2010-03-29T15:30:00.002+08:00

My Guitar and I

2010-03-29T15:24:00.003+08:00

This time I'm smarter. hahaha. Shall not subject you people to the torture of my face... (though I highly think it is not a torture). I have decided to put them in small tabs. Hahaha.

I hardly play my guitar. When I do I wake my neighbours up. But I enjoy the very process of it. I've gotten complaints before but awells, I love playing and singing loudly. Though I am hardly good/skilled at it. I do believe guitar-ing is one of the skills that I learnt (though by myself) from my very human abilities. Because I am so not talented in it. I play to get by. haha. But I must say that talking is a God-given talent for me. I talk. Alot. Dont try me. :)

Some memories of Sri Lanka

2010-03-29T12:41:00.006+08:00

My self-made sanctuary. Was about to start doing my BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) homework when I decided I should take a peek-ture of my very comfortable position. :) Coffee table with cushion on the floor. The whole Jap idea. I know ;)

This girl is the most beautiful Sri Lankan girl I met in my whole trip. Her eyes are so beautiful. I couldn't resist it so I took a picture with her. I kept telling her she's so pretty, and all she did, in the shyest manner, was to giggle. It was so cute.

You see what I mean by saying that they are short. Most of them are up to my shoulders, some to my ears. But they are a delightful bunch to hang out with. I wished I had more time to just sit and chat like what friends do. :)

Thats me, giving my speech. :) The presentation slide says 'Main Focus'

I cannot remember his name. He's the guy who took us on a cultural tour. And he's the mildest, calmest person I know (on the trip). Quiet and wise. :) Really sweet.

The pool view from my window. :) It was lovely. I wished I had a chance to swim... but I didn't have enough time. Its okay, next time. :)

Felicia never fails to make a face, even in a conference. Ha!

The gods at the back of the temple.

Can you see Rosemary (my teddy bear, given by Jackson on my 22nd bday) siting on top of the pillow at the back? :) See how miserably small the bed is in the mega mega room. Seriously, the room is enormous. Hahahha. :)

Yes. Do not enter having liquor. Wil (one of the profs) just had Baileys before climbing this Stone Palace. Btw, the stone palace was beautiful :)

Outside the temple. :)

This entire temple is built in the middle of the river. Really cool. Have to add that its peaceful and serene (the scenery only).

Elephant! This is not the real one by the way. Its a model of an elephant in the temple. But, there is a real elephant in the temple, way bigger than this. Its kept as a pet. >.<

The flowers outside the temple we visited.

He was just peeling the petals into the bin. No idea why.

The corridor of the white temple. It was crazily hot and stuffy inside that day. I thought I was going to pass out.

But the view was nice. Hahaha. On the way up to the temple, turned around and took a picture of what took my breath away. :)

The Sri lankan girl in her white dress enjoying her moment in front of the camera.

Sorry. I am restless.

2010-03-28T16:55:00.006+08:00

Deanna's telling me about the testimony this morning. Cuz I was at YPMS. hmmm..

Here's what I'm laughing about:
One day while talking...
Samuel: Eh Felicia! Can you see something there! (Points to the sea)
Felicia: (Scared) Huh. Where. (Moves backwards to hide)
S: There there. Can you see its waving?
F: Huh. Where. Its not la.
S: Its there. You see. You follow my finger.
F: Eeyer. Don't say already. So scary.
S: What. Can be animal what!
F: -_-
-------------
F: So whats good here?
S: Duck.
F: ?!
Many moments later...
S: I meant beef kwayteow.
-------------

sorry. Its pretty funny to me. hahahahaha.

I am having a headache now. And my cell group's going to the barrage for a picnic on Good Friday. SO UNFAIR. but its okay. I will be spending time in church with my other cell groups. So its still with God's people! :):)

Caramel Macchiato

2010-03-28T15:43:00.003+08:00

Here comes my routine once again.

Am I a starbucks fan? Hardly. I am a true coffee bean fan, BUT, I have to say, Starbucks has the plugs... hahaha. Sorry coffee bean. I used to be a pacific coffee fan, but they're hard to find nowadays. Plus, I fell in love at the first sip of Caramel Macchiato about 6 months ago when I first drank it from Starbucks at Raffles Shopping Centre. I think they still have it best done there. :)

Thoughts running through my mind right now:
1. How old would I want to be when I have my first child? hmmm.
2. What if the world does end in 2012?
3. What if I fail my management module and have to retain? (There goes my NIE award)
4. The couple next to me is really sweet. They're about in their mid 20s (or late twenties) and they have a little baby in their arms and they are just the sweetest thing ever. Sorry. I hardly see such families around. Young and in love.
5. Who should get to sit the seat that leans against the wall?
6. Why is my caramel macchiato not as nice as it is supposed to be?
7. The bed lamp I am going to get tomorrow.
8. What happened to men throwing small stones at windows to get to see the girl of their dreams? (Oh yes, the invention of things modern, like the mobile phone and the Internet)
9. Will I get upset at small little things or will I learn to let grace take over?
10. Don't read between the lines.
11. How long would I really need to complete this report I'm working on?
12. What's going to happen when I'm away for 5 weeks (almost non-stop) in May and June?
13. What's going to happen when I start NIE?
14. What's going to happen when we graduate?
15. Stop asking questions! Let God handle it.
16. Yes, the impatience. Always the impatience. But owells.
17. I'm going to stay in Singapore for Christmas. And it cannot be disappointing. :)
18. I can't wait to play! (everyday!)
19. Do you think its important a couple have a community they belong to, apart from their families? (yes I do think it is important)
20. Every problem in life is a theological problem.
21. I do believe in that.
22. I want to be at the finishing line. Therefore, I must endure.
23. When's the next solitude plane ride? :)
24. I miss Wansong, I miss China.
25. I need to own a library when I have my own house.
26. I need to own my DVD library when I have my own house.
27. I need to have my own house.
28. GOD! God's on my mind.
29. [Up In The Air] Find a man that loves kids.
30. [Up In The Air] Find a man that earns more than you.
31. [Up In The Air] Find a man that's taller than you. That would be good.
32. [Felicia] Find a man that loves God with all his heart.
33. Don't find a man now. Hhahaha.
34. The baby next door is crying.
35. I want to buy portable speakers. I hope Ikea sells it.
36. I am so happy I'm a journalist for the Cambodia Mission Trip.
37. I cannot be more elated I am going for ABC this year. (FINALLY)
38. It is absolutely delightful that I will be going for YPM camp too. (I promise)
39. I will name my son Seth.
40. And my second son Noah. (yes I know. But I will still name him Noah)
41. I don't know what to name my daughter (yet).
42. I can plan a million things now, but they are never set in stone until the time arrives.
43. I am going to have a small wedding.
44. I just like to think about things too far-fetched now.
45. You must be thinking, 'Felicia's so random!' Well then, welcome to my world.
46. Yes you're right, I'm trying to reach 50.
47. Deanna just returned with free 10 dollars voucher for Marina Square.
48. I am going to have free dinner!
49. The baby next door is just the cutest thing ever. :)
50. Yes, I am thinking about love and all things that come with it.

But the Lord, He watches over me. He never slumbers and He never sleeps. Even the birds in the sky, they do not worry what to eat and they do not worry about tomorrow. Therefore, why should I?

The Lord, His grace is sufficient for me. His strength is sufficient for today. And thats all I need, for today. :)

我一个人吃饭旅行到处走走停停

2010-03-28T15:19:00.002+08:00

也一个人看书写信自己对话谈心。。。

也有想念那时候的自由，没人在你身旁的自由，不需要为别人担心的自由~
就是一个人，一个人旅行，一个人写日记，一个人看书，一个人用餐 :)

[这一切我全都知道]

On a side note, it feels good to be back in church! :)
I cant wait for Monday's bed lamp, Tuesday's girls night out and Wednesday's facial.

Some photos (taken using the mobile phone) in Sri Lanka

2010-03-26T14:41:00.001+08:00

Funny thoughts about Sri Lanka

2010-03-24T13:57:00.004+08:00

I just got back from the conference two days ago, and its just one event in my life that I will not forget. I now wished I had extended my stay longer (like maybe two more days) so I could just take the time to R & R in Sri.

Nonetheless, I've had great fun. I made a large amount of friends, including many professors.
Some thoughts about my trip:

1. The Sri Lankans are really short. Men inclusive. (Up to my shoulders)
2. Most people thought I came from China.
3. I met two Sri Lankans who could speak Mandarin. And throughout the conf, they spoke Mandarin to me as if I can't speak English. (I dont know why!)
4. One person asked if it was cold where I came from. (Hmmm...Evidence that people think I came from China.)
5. People are surprised to find Singaporeans speaking good english (not bragging).
6. Most people who asked if I had kids were pleasantly (I think) surprised that I have no bf to begin with. And then the next question was, 'But why?' Felt like a CNY repeat interrogation.
7. There was no internet usage for 4 solid days. I felt odd, but good. :)
8. I ate curry everyday. LOVED IT.
9. My room was huge, but my bed was miserably small.
10. The students who attended the conference were really excitable people. They took photos with everyone. I kinda felt like a celebrity. haa.
11. They need to touch you to take a picture with you. Like arm-on-waist-or-shoulder type of touch.
12. I can't remember any of their names. (Maybe like 3 of them)
13. God made Sri Lanka too (its evident because its beautiful)
14. Their 3-wheeled taxi are like tuktuks in Thailand.
15. They have live huge elephants kept as pets in their temples.
16. Most Sri Lankans are Buddhists.
17. My hotel was next to the Hebrew Language Centre.
18. Oh, and their national anthem is really long. Like really really long.

Thats about it. :)

Realise This:

2010-03-19T18:35:00.001+08:00

The world moves on even after you're gone.

I was just thinking. As I am siting here in this chair in a foreign country at 4:06pm (SGT 635pm), everything back in Singapore is exactly the way it is, even when I am not there. And everything in the conference room right now
(yes, I'm suppose to be in a conference but I am so ..... by it, so I came out to see if I'd gotten impt mails [excuse, I know] at the business centre because my laptop still can't connect to the internet.)
is exactly the way it is even though I'm gone.

Nothing's changed. And people are still thinking the things they would think about, doing the things they would be doing. And only once in a while would they think, 'Oh Felicia. She's not here now.'

And its just the way it is. Thats just exactly the way it is.

I sound almost sad, don't I. But I am not. I am just wondering. Because I was on FB and I remembered what Joyce said to me in the bus once, 'You know those people die alr, their FB account still there you know. You see people write on their walls and all, but actually they're dead but they have an alive FB account.'

UH Huh.

Its just the way it is. The world moves on. Just keep on going.

I have arrived.

2010-03-18T18:50:00.003+08:00

Right now, I just feel a little peeved that I don't have internet access on my laptop. I need to do work and skype my fyp mates but now it is impossible for me to do so. If I don't have internet by tomorrow, I would have successfully wasted 1000rupees buying a 10hour internet card. Because I wont get to use the internet card at all. See now I'm rambling on and on about my misfortune.

BUT I PRAISE GOD STILL.

For He has protected me thus far. I had a God moment when I was about to take off this morning. I was about to start praying when the indian man next to me was fidgeting with his seatbelt. Apparently, he doesn't know how to put it on. So I showed him and helped him put on his seatbelt. (there's this really large housefly just flying around me. And its so large that it doesnt budge even though I wave at it.)

At that moment, I suddenly felt a kind of love tug at my heart. And so I prayed. I first prayed for safety, that God bring me safely to Sri Lanka, that the blood of Jesus would cover the plane. And then within me, I just felt like praying for the people on the plane. I was probably the only yellow skinned passenger (everyone else was black). And I told God to protect them all, wherever they are going, because they are also His children. And God loves every single one of them too.

I have never understood this (God loves them too) for races that I seldom come in contact with, or types of people I dont meet. I mean, only when you're in their community, you really see what they are like. These people that we call construction workers and blanglas in Singapore, are also fathers, brothers, husbands and sons. They mean somebody to somebody else. And I wont say that I was discriminatory before, (I would like to think I never was...hahaha) but this time, I really saw them all differently. They are friends and fellow human beings that God created and love, and have a wonderful plan for. (The housefly is proceeding to attack my head.)

I really liked that God moment :) Being able to be a part of somebody else's community and loving the people there through the eyes of God.

I made friends with the boy that was siting next to me. He is from Punjab (yes, where the punjabis come from, how cool is that!). And somewhere after we said our 'Hi's, we discovered that we're both same age (even though he looked really alot older with the moustache and all)! We had an awesome discussion about alot of things. School, life, work, family, relationships, countries, travelling and it was just so fun :)

I made friends with the hotel manager too. He's 29 and he shares an almost similar name to me. Hahaha. Naricia (or something like that)... and we had fun talking about his work, family and the talk just went on and on.

I thank God that He'd opened the eyes of my heart. To see Him love these people. People whom I thought I would never associate with (not never want to associate, its' just no chance k). And being in their community, I have become the minority. And they are nice people still. :) (there are now two giant houseflies hovering around me. Each one about this big [ ], yes not exaggerating.)

I dont know what tomorrow brings (apart from the conference which I am still desperately trying to prepare for), but I am looking forward to it.

By the way its 4:36pm here now. 2.5 hours slower than Singapore. So the truth is, I am very hungry and I am very sleepy. But the sun is nice and bright still.... Should I go out for a walk?

I forgot to mention.

My hotel is in some alley on some highway. I don't really know where to walk anyway. Haahaha. But I will attempt to. Let you guys see some pics when I am back home (spore I mean), the com Im using now is ancient. Miss the old times man. Hitting on every letter like it has owed me ten million bucks for ten years. RAHRAHRAH.

Train them fingers felily!

OKAY PEOPLE! Love all people, because God loves all people. All colours and all types. God loves every single one of us. :)

Sri Lanka In a few hours time

2010-03-17T23:18:00.003+08:00

I am hungry.

And I would love to have a caramel macchiato now, iced please.

But I should be sleeping. I need to wake up at 430am tomorrow. I should be at the airport by 545am. And I need to be on the plane by 7am. The plane must take off by 705am.

I should be sleeping.

My bags should be packed. But it looks half empty to me. I need to prepare my presentation. I should do it on the plane.

Okay. goodnight singapore. When I awake from tomorrow's dream, I will be in another piece of land, a little further away from here.

I must remember

2010-03-17T15:43:00.002+08:00

that when I get married, I am marrying:

1. A sinner.
-therefore, remember, that he is not perfect. Neither am I. For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

2. A man.
-not a woman. Therefore, remember, that sometimes the phrase 'You're not listening to me!' doesn't mean the same to him.

3. A husband.
-yes. Therefore, remember, to let him take his husband role, and I take my wife role.

4. A person.
-with a name and personality. Therefore remember, that we are two separate persons, in one flesh.

I will write these in my heart.

Am truly blessed by Elizabeth Elliot.

Pain has a new meaning

2010-03-17T13:42:00.003+08:00

My head hurt like crazy last night. I was gradually getting so dizzy when I was on my bed at midnight. And Jackson's bed, just above me [double bunk], was spinning round and round. And messages were streaming into the phone like every 3 minutes and my mom's incessant asking of questions just made everything spin at a faster rate.

THATS ALL.

Do not ask me to be a man, for I am not. I am a woman.

2010-03-15T23:16:00.001+08:00

(And this is not a demeaning statement.)

For the women of God, and the men too.

We live in a world where the women, sometimes, try so hard to be like a man. It seems like women around the world are working so hard to prove the fact that, 'I can do what a man can do too.' And it seems to be from some form of hatred and hurt that spurs the women of recent times to work harder and harder to prove themselves (remember the feminist movement). There has been, for the longest time, a struggle for gender equality. Women all over the world feel the need to prove themselves constantly.

But why?

We don't need to. Simply because the fact that we are not men. From the very beginning, God has structured us, in our mothers' wombs, very very carefully and fearfully. He has said, 'This child is going to be a woman.' We have been chosen and called to be women, women of God and women for God.

Our femininity, our bodies, our minds and our beings -a woman.

Do we not know our place, that we should fight for one that does not belong to us, that God did not give us?

What am I really saying? Am I saying that women cannot be researchers, we cannot fly planes, we cannot be CFOs, we cannot be directors, we cannot be professors, we cannot be lawyers and doctors, we cannot be evangelists, writers, pastors...etc? Am I saying that we should only be housewives and we should only stay at home?

Definitely not.

But what I am saying, really, is that we don't need to compete with men in the things they do (fly, teach, research, doctor, preach etc) in being a man.
Let me say it again: We do what men do too, but not like men, but like women.

There is a form of distortion to feminism, that we prove our ability to do all the things that men do. Men have never sought to prove that they can do all the things women do. (They don't quite bother to too!) And so why subject women to purely masculine criteria? We ought to be judged (if we ought to be) by the criteria of femininity, for it is femininity that we participate in the human race. And femininity has its limitations, likewise to masculinity.

This is what I am saying: To be a woman is not to be a man.

Therefore, do not fight like a man. Because we are not. But fight like a woman. Run the race being a woman. And do not be ashamed about it. For no greater calling is there for us, than that to be a woman of God and a woman for God.

Know the position and authority you have as a woman of God, and be that woman.

If you're a man and you're wondering why you're reading this, firstly, it is good to know. Hahaha. But more importantly, that we are all running this race of endurance together. What better thing is there than to understand each other, so we can better encourage, support, spur and lead each other to run towards our prize.

For the husbands, and husbands to be, love your women as a woman. Love them, for they are God's gift to you.
And God has given man a woman so that he will not be alone (note: a woman, not many women).

---Truly blessed by the book 'Let Me Be A Woman' by Elizabeth Elliot.

Portable Speakers

2010-03-15T13:07:00.001+08:00

I need portable speakers. :(

Communion Today

2010-03-14T18:34:00.002+08:00

This morning's communion was led by Uncle Tony (our church elder) and he called up Sister Ruth (his wife) to say a few words on why the song 'Holy Holy Holy' was to be sung for communion.

I cannot describe the 5 minutes of time she spent reading what she had written on the piece of paper in front of her.

The Holy Spirit was dwelling upon her, and as Uncle Tony told her to lead the singing of the song (which was so sweet, because you can tell they are still so in love), the presence of God in the chapel today was so strong. It was like a wave of love. And God is exalted in the house this morning. The people in front of us had their hands lifted high, (I can't see behind me but) it was an awesome sight to behold. When everyone praised the Lord, and everyone lifted God's name on high, singing Holy Holy Holy, Lord God Almighty.

It was so beautiful. :)

And I loved every moment of it. :):):)

Please Pray

2010-03-14T18:21:00.005+08:00

I will be going to Sri Lanka alone for 4 days (yes I know, only 4 days), starting Thursday this week, through to Sunday.

Please pray for:
-Journey Mercy (that the plane won't crash, won't have election bombings, no rioting, no ex Tamil Tigers will go on some crazy rage...etc)
-Protection (The list goes know on from above...)
-Health (from all sorts of food I will eat there, weather and all that.)
-Wisdom (that I will do the right thing at the right time at the right place. That my presentation will be wonderful, since I will be representing my team in NTU)
-Favour (Am going alone, so really hope people around me will be nice... but yes, thank God its only 4 days.)
-Good time of fun (oh yes!)

Thanks everybody!

Chicago's coming to town!

2010-03-01T23:16:00.001+08:00

Everybody, lets go watch it. :)

My Week

2010-02-28T12:56:00.003+08:00

I had a pretty terrible week.
-Was feeling sickly, headachey, diarrhea-ing, stomachachey, nauseous-ey half the week.

But, my heart was troubling me the most. About what, I cannot share, so I shall not. I knew what God was trying to tell me, but I knew something was holding me back, and it felt horrible not knowing what it was, and not being able to draw close to God because of it as well.

It was bad.

All week I was wondering why I couldn't be emotional, at least emotional about the situation. Everytime when I am in such situation, God draws me close through my tears. Being ministered always left me in tears. But this time, I didn't understand why I didn't cry. And I wanted to, very badly actually, but I just couldn't.

No one can understand how that feels, unless you've felt it yourself. The feeling of being lost, just thrown in utter confusion, emotionally and mentally. And just too lost to be emotional about anything. I was quite amazed at myself, not shedding a single tear. And being unable to shed a tear was like the last thing I wanted to happen to me.

But God is still good :)

'Pray continually' -1 Thess 5:17

Because we know that when we call upon the name of the Lord, He will hear us. So pray continually, never ceasing.

And last night, it was a prayer answered. After I got it all out again to another friend, I didn't know why, but one tear fell from my eyes. And it felt so amazing. Before I knew it, I had this sudden urge within me to let out this cry of anguish and sorrow. And I knew, that it was finally time to cry and be healed. :)

I left the house at midnight with my bible, and I went downstairs for a walk with God. Despite the fact that my mom was complaining about my safety (she said, 'Everton Park got alot of murder cases you know! Thieves! Rapists!...'true to an extend, but my mom can be quite exaggerating), I knew I had to spend time alone with God and I need it badly. I couldn't do it at home because there were just too many people in the house. SPACE CONSTRAINTS!

So YES, my walk with the Lord around my very 'dangerous' estate was exceedingly fruitful. I sat on an estate bench opposite the Central Narcotics Bureau (very choiced position, because I presume it's probably the safest spot to be at) with my bible and my music, and I just prayed my prayer to God.

I was reminded of Jesus's anguish on the night before His crucifixtion, and how He was in much despair and sorrow, that His sweat was like blood on His face. And the Angel of the Lord came and gave Him strength. :)
I was reminded again in Isaiah 43, that God is with me when I go through deep waters and great trouble. v5: 'Fear not, for I am with you.' :)
I was reminded of what I refused to acknowledge in the beginning, in Psalms 62, to wait silently, and to trust in the Lord.

Today's communion, I was reminded through Justin's message, of the anguish Jesus had the day before His crucifixtion.

God is indeed good. I know some things in life, we many times don't want to meet up to it. Because we have our own set of desires, our own set of fears. The hands we have so many times hold on so dearly to the things of this world. But what do we really have? Who do we really have?

I reflected on today's song 'Draw me close to you', when we sang,
/You're all I want/
/You're all I ever needed/
And it dawn upon me once more. Am I really able to say, 'God, you're really all I need.' Whom do I really have in heaven but God. (Psalms 73:5) Am I able to let go the cares of this world, and cling on to my God?

I want to say yes.
I want to say Yes, I am able to.

------------- My heart rejoices, because I know that my heart and my flesh, they will surely fail me. But God, my God, He never fails me. He's all I need. He's all I ever need.

Entertaining Myself -YET AGAIN!

2010-02-26T18:14:00.005+08:00

I'm sorry, hahahahaha. But I kinda just took alot of photos for myself again! This time got theme one okay. -The many faces of Felily. :)

So for all the fans of my zi lian peeeeektures, here you go!

Okie. I just kinda like this pic. No faces made. But check out the pile of clothes behind me. Hahaha! Chaos!

This is the face I will give you when this is what's going on inside my head, 'BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH'

Hahaha. Meaning, I must have lost you some where in the conversation. Hahha. My thoughts are wild. :)

'Whats that you said!' -HA! kinda face.

When I meet certain people and just decide to hit them with a funny face. Here's what I'd do. Much privilege people I tell u.

Say somemore see whether I will bite you. Hahahahhaa!

Im scheming. Really.

This is normally what I would do to release excess energy in my body. EEEEE!

Reminds me of how my friend's sister bit her tongue till it dangled when she fell off the bed. Gross beyond I tell u.

Hmmmm.. Lets see what I can do with you!

Oh. Its just a photo here. My red nails and my red specs and my red bag. Love it!

Okay! Thats about it. I shall cease to take zi lian pics of myself for the next few days, but no guarantee okie everybordieeeee :)

Love,
Felily

The Wondrous Cross

2010-02-25T09:40:00.003+08:00

A friend sent me a beautiful song last night, 'When I survey the wondrous cross'. And I listened to its serenity and peace. It calmed me within my soul. And somehow, it revived the spirit in me. To lift up my eyes to look at the cross again, the cross that the Lord has told me to take up daily, the cross with its nails and the cross that He was nailed upon.

I had taken time to be quiet last night, just watching His cross. And even though I said nothing to the Lord, the hour had passed. And it felt so good being quiet with God.

Our Jesus Christ, God's precious Son, nailed to the cross. Such is the love that God has for us, so much He wants to reach down to us, sacrificed His own life in exchange of mine. We're undeserving, and unworthy. But my God, He came to die for me. God almighty, all powerful and all knowing, He nailed Himself on the cross for somebody like me.

That love, beyond any form of words can describe, beyond any type of feeling. I watch the cross and stand amazed at His glorious work on it. Indeed, it is love so amazing, love so divine.

I ask myself, what can I do, what can I say, for my Lord Jesus. But really, nothing I will ever do, can compare to something so rich and so complete. Any offering would be far too small.

That is why, I can only give all that I have. All. Even so that wouldn't be enough, but that would be my all. The love so amazing and so divine, it demands my soul. It demands my life. And it demands my all.

You can listen to it here!

Favourite people

2010-02-22T04:28:00.002+08:00

I never quite know my friends anymore?

Introducing the favourite people of my life. Always, never changing, until the day I die, they will be my favourite people.

People who stick through thick and thin, people who never give up, people who give and take, people who love, people who scream and shout at the top of their lungs but still know we love each other, people who point knives at each other, people who cry the moment a hug is involved, people you'd think about when you're happy, people you'd think about when you're sad, people you'd think about when you're in trouble, people you'd hope to wake up to see in the house, people who'd leave kokocrunch under the bed so you have something to sweep, people who leave empty water bottles in every corner of the common areas of the house so you have something to clear, people who will sit and stare at dirty plates after dinner to teach you patience, people who will give you a hug and cry on your behalf when you've ran out of tears, people who hug you from behind while you're doing the dishes, people who dare to say your mopping of floor is irritating because it blocks the television but don't mean it, people who always love even though at many moments could be displeased, people who give in, people who stand up for you, people who'd fight for you, people who you'd want to love until the day you die.

People who on the day I need to deliver the speech, I have nothing on my script because I just can't find the words to describe them.

My favourite people =)

Gilmore Girls

2010-02-21T17:06:00.002+08:00

My VLC keeps crashing no matter the amount of times I download it into my laptop. So I have officially given up hope on a functioning VLC in my laptop. Therefore, the chances of me watching Gilmore Girls and Friends is now down to a very very very very low level. =(

I still have 4 seasons of Gilmore to complete! And the full season of Friends to watch! And so many dvds. How! :(

But as Dee always put it, 'God will make a way'.

Living in silence

2010-02-18T15:48:00.002+08:00

I was on my way to school today, siting in the bus, when I realised how tiring it must have been for the people around me to keep on talking.

For a moment, I was seriously glad I was alone. And that I didn't need to think of what to say next, or what I should be saying, or things to stop the awkward silence.

Then I remembered Deanna.

I loved it when I sat with her in bus rides, train rides and plane rides, and she allowed me to just stare out of the window, sleep on her shoulder or just look blankly ahead, without saying anything.

It suddenly made me seem very anti-social, but honestly, I don't talk alot (yes I know, you ppl reading must be thinking Yea Right) but trust me, if I talk alot to you when you're in front of me or next to me, you're not a special friend anymore.

HAHAHAH.

I treat my special friends with silence. Its the best way I treat them.

Talk when its time to talk, shut up when its time to shut up.

I love my friends.

Chinese New Year Part 2

2010-02-16T21:04:00.001+08:00

Okay. We still had fun :):)

The second and third day of CNY, though a complete shag out for me, I had awesome fun. Unforgettable. :)

and so, its back to school. Now, its back to some serious sleeping.

felily